This isn't a swashbuckling pirate, this is your Uncle Jim who worked a gig at some kid's vaguely pirate-themed birthday party

There's not a single arrg bone in this guy's body. He's more of a "how're ya doin' kids, it's me, the pirrrrate" kind of guy, you know?

Like, this dude just does NOT have the energy nor the strength to fire a cannon. You really think HE'S gonna take on a kraken? Nah, dude's never even seen a seagull

You know where this dude lives? Probably some town in Iowa, near a Cracker Barrel

It's in his eyes. I can tell

He's just aging. I mean, his description is on the bag. Aged white cheddar. Poor guy.

He's not even wearing the eyepatch on the correct eye! What a phony!

The real pirate, now HE has seen some seven seas shit. He's genuinely got the drive, the ambition for baubles and doubloons

Just look at that crazy eye. Bro has yo'd some hella hos, and yar'd some hella hars

Sidenote, the circular text and serif font just make the original logo FEEL nautical and official too

The new guy doesn't have a sword, either!

Wth, I didn't even notice that lmao

Can't have sharp edges in the font, so I guess can't have a sharp edged weapon either

Can't have a sword on a logo meant for kids, they're not safe!

I'm more upset that the parrot is just thrown in there like they forgot about it till the last minute. Why is he standing half off the booty when he should be on the pirate's shoulder?? Oh right, because they took away the pirate's shoulders and put him on a vine like he's a goddamn monkey. And then they didn't even outline or put any kind of shadows on the food he's holding to avoid it blending into the light background, so it makes the concept of this monkey pirate man shoving his parrot companion aside to show off his booty extra dumb.

They changed the ingredients too, tastes awful now. I'm not sure why they did a visual rebrand at the same time.

I've heard the way back original creator is making a similar line of snacks but I haven't tried those yet.

also that right knee looks like something else

https://www.milkshake.agency/blog/captain-to-first-mate-the-awful-rebrand-we-need-to-talk-about

Sheesh, pirates in general are just getting absolutely nerfed

Somehow, this feels like a subliminal message

I never caught that but you're right!

I thought that was just me! Yeah I tried a couple of pieces and it literally tasted like the yellow Capn Crunch piece, but unsweetened and dusted in cheese

I liked it better when it was just popcorn tbh

Oh good, this immediately brought this earworm back after years of not thinking of it

https://youtu.be/i8ju_10NkGY

Why is he holding a banana and a spear in his hand now? 🤣