Ive wondered many things for many times, but im pretty sure im straight but im also curious and have self drought. The reason being a ton of my family blood line is heavily Mormon religiously and that really gets in my head. Im 20 and i still live with parents because i was unplanned for adulthood causing me to feel childish, if this matter i have autism too.

So im unsure how to go about this, and if all of this is for me or not? idk i feel lost right now.

For me, I just thought about living the rest of my life as a man. I thought about being old, having lived as a man and I felt incredible dread. It was very painful to think about.

Thinking about my life but as a women, felt incredible.

it takes a few months for any changes to be remotely visible, no reason you cant try it out for a bit too see if its for you

The best thing about HRT is that practically all the effects are reversible either by just discontinuing the meds or in the case of boobs, surgery. Boobs take years to develop though, so doing a 2 week trial run won't really change anything. At worst you'll decide it's not for you, stop taking the meds, and that'll be that. At best, you'll discover what you've been missing out on and have unbeknownst to you been desperately desiring. Transitioning is a process, and all that matters with it is that you are happy with the steps you're taking to become more yourself! ❤️

there are also meds you can take to suppress chest growth while taking hrt if that part scares you

look up raloxifene but there may be other meds in that class if you look it up

cool! what side effects do they have?

not sure whether i want large boobs

side effects are certainly something to consider - but worth asking a doctor about if growing boobs is a concern for you
(especially for short term use while you figure out if hrt is for you or not)

you'll wanna look into SERMs (Selective Estrogen Reuptake Modulators). here's a good article from transfemscience to get you started :3

Which of the following pictures best represents how you feel?

Exhibit A, the manly man:

Exhibit B, the beautiful lady:

Hmm, to my awareness, SERMs don't have the full suite of estrogen effects though, and, specifically, they don't act like estrogen on the brain, so mood will not be represented at all.

Also, the last few years, I heard that their risk profile increased (they're considered more dangerous) in their common use on cis women.

I would only consider SERMs to be something that people use when it's exactly what they want (see: feminine fat distribution, basically with reduced breast growth and mental effects). If someone is questioning, a few weeks of estrogen with the associated blood tests and a doctor to oversee (to make sure hormone levels don't fluctuate from anything unforseen) is probably the best trial, by my moderately educated guess.

But yeah, there's so many different parts to what a transition can be, and you don't even have to do all of them. You can just pick and choose. That's allowed. Just do what you like.

Neither picture represents how I feel, because neither picture shows the appropriate level of concern about trying to take a bite out of a raw, hopefully not alive fish.

for sure - not advocating for it as a default but if chest growth is a real worry for someone it is worth considering :)

since many trans women want the chest growth i have noticed that there can be a lack of awareness that it is even an option

I'm sorry, the fish is not optional.

Be careful with those. It's unknown what effects SERMS actually have on breast growth. Yes, they may just slow it, but they also might stunt it. You might change your mind later, only to find that you stunted your growth. If you're horrified about the idea of having boobs at all, sure, use SERMS. But I wouldn't recommend them to try and calibrate a specific chest size. Better to just go on full HRT, stick with it, and if you do for some reason end up with giant boobs you don't like, go for a surgical reduction later.