Growing up as a guy traumatised the fuck out of me. Seeing how other cis men treated women has and forever will haunt me. Seeing what they felt comfortable saying and doing with women out of ear shot will never leave me. For this reason, from a very young age I became very closed off to giving or receiving physical affection to or from anyone: I didn't wanna make anyone feel violated or obligated or uncomfortable.

One of the experiences I've always yearned for is the casual affection that my girl friends (not partners!) had with each other growing up. But having grown up as a guy, this feels literally impossible to conceptualise being OK, even though I dont believe that touch is inherently romantic or sexual.

I see some of my trans friends around me that have been able to hug each other or be more physically affectionate with each other. But I so rarely get that from my friends. The few that do, I love it and I feel so comfortable, though have a very hard time initiating it incase I fuck it up or get it wrong or... I have no idea. I just feel like im doing something deeply wrong when I do it. Maybe I'm still unpacking that "trans predator" rhetoric I've grown up around.

Obviously, conversations can be had, obtaining consent etc. But, idk... Practically what does that even look like? How do people just do it so naturally? Its a mystery to me.

Does anyone else struggle with this or am I just weird?

What worked ok for me was in greetings or goodbyes to ask if people liked hugs (or would like a hug) and if they say yes I give them a hug.