I would just say to the original poster you better truly know the person you're thinking that way about because you really can piss someone off with this mentality

you really can piss someone off with this mentality

You can really piss someone off by trying to be considerate and take care of them, too?

Absolutely

Hah, sorry, I was asking in the interest of learning specifically what you meant by that.

If someone has surprised me with little gifts or is thoughtful about my life, I would try to return those sentiments. It's touching for others to care for you in those ways and, to me, it would feel callous to not try to return that energy at least a little bit.

What scenarios would it piss someone off, do you think?

I'm a planner because I don't like surprises or blown timelines. If I want something I'll just buy it.

You enjoy that stuff so great we all don't which is why I said what I said

The meme is talking about consideration as well, not just physical gifts, but ok.

I think the message is more about thinking of the other people in your life that care about you.

I'll pass on the outward expression of that too.

You don't like people caring about you?

I'm so confused about your reaction to a meme that is simply encouraging the "golden rule" - treat others how you want to be treated lol

I don't like to outward expression if that sentiment

My only area comment about the meme was just know the person your having those feeling for well, the rest was you asking me questions.

because you really can piss someone off with this mentality

This is really strong language and it made me curious, that's all.

It's a good point, I never would have thought of it that way

You can really piss someone off by trying to be considerate and take care of them, too?

I've had limited exposure to disabled people. One of the things "they" teach you about disabled people is not to assume they need help for this that or the other. Ask them if they need it.

This doesn't just apply to disabled people though. Before you stick your hand in, it's a good idea to ask the person "do you want help with that". Sometimes too many cooks spoil the broth, and you don't want to hinder someone when you're trying to be helpful.

Also with kids, it's the other way around. Make them do things and help them as little as possible so they learn, grow and adapt.

Ok but the meme isn't talking about disabled people. It's talking about noticing when others are caring for you and returning that care in the way they may need the most.

This doesn’t just apply to disabled people though. Before you stick your hand in, it’s a good idea to ask the person “do you want help with that”. Sometimes too many cooks spoil the broth, and you don’t want to hinder someone when you’re trying to be helpful.

come on gal. please read. the idea is the lesson learned is a transferable social skill.

in the way they may need the most.

I didn't ignore your comment and communicating with others about how they want to be cared for is important. I noted that. I think some people are reading too far into the meme when it's simply pointing out that people who care for others also need to be cared for by others.

You don't need to call me "gal" here. I'm not your buddy.

I didn’t ignore your comment and communicating with others about how they want to be cared for is important

I interpreted your comment as the opposite.

You don’t need to call me “gal” here.

I wanted to use a turn of phrase, but had to change the gender. Unfortunately we haven't had pleasant interactions in the past, but this kind of speech is casual and expressive. I think you would prefer me talking to you with the phrase "come on gal" instead of "come on man", which is what I'd use for someone who is male/non-gendered, as it's an exasperated statement.

I’m not your buddy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1JakODvYhA (yes I need a better clip, IRL gets in the away)

I think you would prefer me talking to you with the phrase “come on gal” instead of “come on man”, which is what I’d use for someone who is male/non-gendered, as it’s an exasperated statement.

Or you could avoid gendered expressions to begin with.

Glad you got my reference though lol

Hey, just popping in to say that your curiosity was understandable and I'm sorry you were met with such... closed off responses. You seem like a sweet person, and I hope you have a nice evening :)

That's really nice of you to say, thank you so much! I hope you have a nice evening as well <3

Where's the meme

is this about gay trans people

That person seems like a very curious type of miserable. I am pretty miserable myself most of the time, but I just cannot grasp avoiding basic human contact.

Or you could avoid gendered expressions to begin with.

If you want people to use genderless expressions when they are feeling exasperated by your behaviour, at least provide them with equal quality words.

I'm frustrated with what you're saying, and I want to say "pay attention man". the non-gendered variations would be "pay attention fucker" and because we've had less than stellar interactions before, I am trying to be polite.

I tend to use “oh come on”, but it’s just a suggestion at the end of the day.

I hope you know I’m not that hung up on it hence the Southpark reference. It can be annoying how my gender is used when in discussions here and that felt pointed.

We were talking past one another and ultimately (I think) we mostly agree. We’re cool if you wanna be cool, no sarcasm :)

...

Oh shit, I'm gonna have to show this to my therapist next week, aren't I? Ffffffffuck.

This feels like me.

Lots and lots of phone notifications to participate in things other people would like to be seen for. No responses to my own requests and desires.

“The planner needs a thing they didn’t plan for.” Fuck aaaaaaaall the way off into the sun with that.

Don't take this the wrong way, but that's a lack of imagination on your part.

There's plenty of reasons and situations and types of people for whom avoiding basic human contact at some point in the timeline of their lives, was both necessary and correct for them.

Not to mention the most glaringly obvious one; pain avoidance. The instinct to avoid the thing that causes us pain is as human as a light conversation ending in laughter, and both are equally valid things which may occur at the apocalypse itself.

It's not really all that hard. You know all the things that people do that annoy you? Imagine them never doing it again, that is the first thought of avoiding basic human contact. Good luck finding that though. None of us are capable of having the lives we have on our own. I mean, if you don't like people as much as they do, they should go live in the woods, but there sentiment around other people trying to make my day brighter with their main character energy just piss me off too. I know what I want, I don't want unsolicited help or whatever.

Yeah, screw that crap. If I plan everything I do, it's because I DON'T like surprises!

The first line I was thinking it's about video games

That’s not what they mean. They mean the friend who’s always making all the plans sometimes needs other people in the group to take some initiative.

No

You’re a bit of an outlier here, let’s be honest lol

The point still stands..

Some interesting things have been said about I assume me in this thread. First I'm not any kind of main character, I know I'm hard to deal with so the fact that a person is still willing to put up with me take the place of "thoughtful gift". The people that stay in my life are very much like me so they just innately get it, the problem is when thus stuff comes from the periphery.

I'm reasonably easy to interact with, just use as few words as possible to convey what needs conveyed, if thats not you we'll likely never see each other again.

They mean the friend who’s always making all the plans sometimes needs other people in the group to take some initiative.

They even said "sometimes" in there and you still felt the need to reply "No". Like come on. Not everyone is the same as you and most people appreciate others in their life caring about them.

The people in your life know that caring for you means leaving you alone. They are caring for you in the way you need the most, right?

I know its a hard mentality to accept but I agree with these other people. You need to know if they actually want it. You need to really know why they do it to begin with. Someone who always cooks for other might just hate everyone else's cooking. Someone who plans things might hate surprises. Some people who help others domitmto prove to everyone they dont need help themselves.

You could seriously piss someone off by following this meme.

And you've completely ignored the conversation in here around tailoring the care back to the person who needs it. It's good to care about the people who are caring for you and meeting them where they're at or giving them back what they need.

Taking a meme that is simply a reminder to care about the people in your life that care for others and getting fucking pissy about it is the most terminally online thing I've seen this week, goddamn.

You seem to be getting as equally pissed over the other side of the same non issue.

Its good to treat people well and how you want to be treated. Just make sure its wanted on their end.

Its good to treat people well and how you want to be treated. Just make sure its wanted on their end.

If people don't want things in return and the people in their life recognize that and honor that desire, then they are following the meme.

It's about tuning in to the people in your life and making sure you're caring for people who care for others. If they prefer to be ignored, then that is still caring for them by ignoring them.

The top comments section in here is so weird. It’s like those most offended by this light hearted meme have an emotional baggage of sorts that they can’t not apply and take this meme super seriously.

(Also who’s taking this as life advice and applying zero context to it to their loved ones?)

As a planner: it’s also great to have friends who also plan. I share a rotation of holiday parties with a few friends who enjoy hosting. And is it totally random who gets Halloween? Yeah, that’s fine, sometimes life is rolling with the punches. Sometimes it’s fun to not play host and sometimes it’s okay to give someone else the joy of hosting or planning.

And as a friend of another planner/gift giver, of whom I know loves any surprise gift, I occasionally surprise her with small, thoughtful gifts and it really makes her day.

Iono where everyone else’s heads are or what their damage is but lol. I get you.

That doesn’t match my experience with the term surprise, but I trust you.

Just had an argument recently about how it’s inconsiderate to not include what I like in the restaurant we go to if I’m going. He said it’s fine if I don’t like it because he will go to a restaurant he doesn’t like for me, but I always consider what he would like when I pick a place… he refuses to see that his way means we both have a bad experience, even if it’s not at the same time, and my way means we both have a good experience at the same time… I’m so over it

It's why I want to be there when people need a shoulder to cry on or when they are in their deepest moments

I have legit broken down in front of people and they would just stare at me. To please get it together. Friends even lol.

Personal story below. Pretty heavy.

::: spoiler spoiler
Worst was when my mom had just broken her back. My sister and I were put to the task of taking care of her. I didn't know what the fuck to do. She was in so much fucking pain too. We didn't even know at the time she'd broken her back, she was medically cleared because nobody took enough of a shit to get her x-rays.

Anyway. I was standing there, just turned 17, mom's in bed in insane levels of pain. Sister had left for her room (no blame there, but I was the last one standing so to say). Two Friends who'd swung by standing in front of me. These two adults who stared at me as I was just, bawling. Flashbacks of taking care of my dad came rushing in. He'd died just 6 months before and we had to take care of him too. For three brutal years.

And these two friends who watched me just bawl my fucking eyes out looked at me and said 'do you think she should go to the hospital?'

Again. I was 17. Six months after burying my dad after 3 years of intense home care. And I had nothing to fall back on. Nothing. And I was just standing there, empty handed, defeated, just a shell of a person. And they asked me what to do

I don't fucking know dude. Just. Please be the grown-ups here. I don't know. Please. I'm tired. I can't do this.

Anyway. They incredulously watched me bawl, decided against it, and left. Two months later we found out she did in fact break her back and she got surgery. That's two months of risking severe neurological trauma, bleeding, she could have lost function of her lower extremities or died.

So yeah. I want to hug that kid that was standing there and if I ever get a chance to help someone through something as shitty as that, I fucking will. Come hell or high water I will try my fucking best.

She made a full recovery by the way. But man those were some tough fucking times. Jesus christ.
:::

Does that mean he doesn't get to enjoy certain places? How picky are you?

The man who cooks the all you can eat shrimp for $5.99 also needs all he can eat shrimp for $5.99

Tbf the healers do need healed sometimes. Especially in PvP, theyre basically tanks then

I get what you mean, the idea I think is that this should be planner(job) not planner(needs a plan). If the latter, I totally get you, though sometimes it’s still healthy to be surprised every so often.

He always likes what I pick and I’m not very picky I just don’t like the Thai places around us, they’re not very authentic and everything is crazy sweet but it’s the only cuisine he will pick, I suspect because he knows I don’t like it. Either way “I suffer for you then you suffer for me” is a transactional relationship, it’s not a healthy loving relationship of mutual joy.

...I legit did become a violence deescalation and restraint teacher (after like 8 years working in mental health and 4 as an RN) because I had some ED nurses do it and was like "no way this is actually as hard as you're making it look." And yeah from experience ED nurses are kinda toxic angy babies when it comes to psych but it's mostly just because they're bearing the brunt of the failure of the US health system and it's hard to find adequate emotional support to not be a toxic angy baby about some things.