oh, thank you for this. been an adult only for a couple of years, but i felt seen, at least partially :)
i think it would have resonated even more if i weren't already questioning for a couple of months. i've been switching between doubt and euphoria the whole time, not believing what was happening could be real, suppressing, feeling nothing, all kinds of complex thoughts, dealing with the intensity of feelings fading away over time, as all once new things do (which is sadly easy to mistake for "well, i don't feel it strongly anymore, might just have been a phase"). if anyone is questioning, don't keep it to yourselves. it's hard to trust an abrupt change in perception of an important part of yourself, that you knowingly, or unknowingly kept hiding.

I'm happy this resonated with you, even just a little! I'm in my forties and I've been gradually coming out this year. It's all true. I'm still deconstructing the unbearable shame. Bottling this up indefinitely is actual self destruction. I second your advice: don't keep it to yourselves, don't bottle it up, anyone reading this. At one point I managed to ignore what existed behind the mask. This has tremendous cost. It accumulates like lead in an organism. My daughter's growing dysphoria is what made me realize this wasn't a life. If I hadn't been coaxed by her predicament to finally make this journey together with her I don't know how I would have ended up. Last year was dark.