Or what, they'll put a lien on your house? Bet this HOA isn't doing all of the typical stuff HOAs are responsible for, but they have enough time and money to put together this letter.

I have a fantasy where i get rich and hand out 5 lb chocolate bars one year.

Why are HOAs so obsessed with "consistency"?

"land of the Free"

Not really inconsistent, you’re free to not enter into an HOA covenant and folks willing to subject themselves to being micro nannied are free to do so. That’s freedom ain’t it?

The problem is the HOA exists where it does so if I want to buy there for the other benefits of the location (e.g. school) I have to submit to the HOA. The idea of HOAs originally came about as one method of stopping blacks and other minorities from buying in those areas. Simultaneously these areas got things like pools and gathering areas (clubhouses) while they closed the public versions of these places.

HOAs often come with the house, and in some areas it can be hard to find a house without one.

It's a safe way to live.

Nothing in the letter stipulates HOW MANY little candies you can give each child.

If there are lots of kids, I suppose some families might have trouble affording big bars, and feel peer pressure, but I suppose they could use it as a teachable moment for their kids. Anyway, most kids are happy with small candy as long as they get something. Even the toothbrush house is worth the walk up to the door.

If there is an existing HOA, unless it's a rare one that's voluntary and not tied to the deed, you can choose to not join only by not buying the house.

USA - always racist.

Should be their slogan.

Encouraging, asking, request. It's not a rule because they know they can't make it stick. Hand out whatever you want.

It's a euphemism for "control".

dole

To give out, especially in portions or shares; allot or distribute. Often used with out: synonym: distribute.

You absolutely must give out full size candy bars. What happens if Death visits?

King size everything. There's even a special golden candy bar that wins you a king size mattress!

Whenever I hear about “fun size” candy bars, I think of a quote from a stand-up comedian (whose name I can’t remember):

“What’s fun about less candy?”

He made a good point.

Beat me to it by 13 mins.

Whoever told you that is your enemy

Print that email out on a large poster board and display it by your front door as you hand out king size candy.

Well and sometimes control is good, right? Like if it's an apartment building where the units are owned by the tenants or condos or even row houses it helps to have an established self governed organization of some kind to keep ground rules for shared walls / roofs at the very least. And even in fully separate housing it can help if there are shared community areas like a clubhouse, pool, playground, etc. There are two main problems though:

First of all, self governance requires active participation of at least most but ideally all members. You run into that same problem with any kind of self governance and that's how even very good things like unions can get a bad reputation. If you don't actively participate in union discussions they can easily be corrupted and wind up as an even more insidious control tactic by the employer.

The second problem is specific to the history of HOAs in the United States. The concept itself was fundamentally started as a way to discourage racially integrated residential areas, then extended to discourage other types of minorities. Yes you see HOAs focusing on petty things like door color but more importantly you'll see them pushing other, more insidious restrictions. When you place restrictions on outdoor decorations you're often restricting specific religious and cultural traditions. If you're only allowed to put up lights within a certain window surrounding Christmas, you're pressuring people to not observe holidays with light displays that occur at other times of the year. When you restrict the amount of unmarried adults in a house you're pushing out poor people who need roommates and and cultures that live generationally, as well as homosexuals in areas where they're not allowed to get married / claim marital privileges.

So while there are some practical benefits, the history of HOAs requires highly active and intentional participation from everyone involved to overcome the dark history of the concept and there are very few situations in which that's worth it, especially in a community where the houses are not physically connected.

That specific symptom is actually more consistent with something called obsessive compulsive personality disorder which has some overlap with OCD the anxiety disorder but usually presents with less bizarre obsession-compulsion links and usually less insight, because usually nothing they're doing is overtly nonsensical. The maladaptive / disordered aspect is more that they're allowing their obsession with rules to impact their relationship or even impose actively harmful restrictions on the people around them.

Peak busybody behavior.

Oh no — education!

I’m not understanding how this is a totally unreasonable request on its face nor the automatic HOA hate. Like I get that some are militant but some just run neighborhood pools with small libraries for kids and organize neighborhood activities…

Honestly the quip about cost makes this person seem like a rich asshole who just needs attention and kinda makes it seem like the rest of the neighborhood is tired of the rich asshole showing off.

Surely something like this doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

Was that stand up comedian Strong Bad?

I think most HOAs are established by the property developers specifically to keep housing prices high, not to serve the community. They serve profits and treat homes as an investment asset. And they have specific laws that make them undemocratic and oppressive, and reward a specific type of person to take over. So that is why they are hated.

Maybe they should be renamed to "property development organization" or something because they don't really work for actual home owners.

This will help you understand a bit, in song.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR1m8iXKe-g

I think you'd be hard pressed to find countries that dont have similar racism based things. Europe is obvious, India has the caste system, China is against non Han, various African groups are against other African groups, etc. The methods used may be different (often more overt) but that doesn't really matter to the outcome.

Go after the argument, not the user.

no mention of how many to hand out per kid, leave a couple of pallets out.

A-yep.

https://youtu.be/O8zBnooMLAU?t=163

I conquer.

probably for the best, it doesn't seem to be working for you

No one mentioned king size, you'd better do that instead just to be safe.

How about a wearable poster board print out with a giant red NO stamped on it in faux blood as your costume. You can stay at home or walk the neighborhood, handing out full sized bars.

Want to be a real extra contrarian? Build a "candy stand" made of the print out. Add castor wheels and a loud speaker and flashing lights. Finally, add a button kids can slap that shouts "fffuuullll sssiiizzeedd bbbbbaaarrrrrsssss!!! at max legal volume. Roll it from HOA leader house to HOA leader house as the night carries on.

Byeee

A mobile candy station? They'd never make it out alive. 😱🤣

He was a stand-up kinda guy, even if he looked more like a cut-out. 🤘🏼

Rest in awesomeness, you gawdamn legend. 🖤

Ya never know, they might have backup candy for when the toothbrushes run out!

Ohh yeah, you better be rolling deep in full sized bars. It better basically be a large pallet of candy pretending to be a candy stand. You will have an army of insane 5-11 year olds slapping the shit out of that button for hours, and you gotta be able to keep the magic going to match maximum obnoxiousness.

You'll have to be a goddamn hero to those children, a being of endless chocolate, to really, really shame whatever adult though this was a reasonable request.

Dude I had these HOA fucks go through my shit in my shed. I have it on camera. This is 'Merica, and I carry a. (Sorry I really like Donald Glover). Usually I'm not bothered by stuff but oh boy did that piss me off. I started locking the gate after that. Oh yeah and the fee was about $550 a month when I moved for essentially mowing the lawn and doing useless shit. They did a lot of illegal shit as well. Reading the last update to their contract was the last straw, fuck this shit I'm out.

I mean, at that point, you might as well put up a market tent in the drive to cover the patio heater, spiced cake donuts, and pony keg of cider for the parents.* Make it a block (the fuckin' trolls) party!

*if anecdotal evidence is permitted, (no HOA bitches in our area) the next year half a dozen neighbors did the same. 🥳

Roving party village seems like a win win for everyone. Maybe build the whole thing on one of those "bike pedal bars" that are somehow the best and stupidest thing possible:

Likely need a permit for a moving cider hut, though. Better to keep that on-site, IME. 😅

If any trick or treaters actually came to my house, I would definitely want the reputation of the house that gave out full size candy