Was it jean Claude van-damme style with him doing the splits between them?

Was thinking exact same thing reading this comment, and now I can't get that thought out of my mind

Yeah but have you ever had a parent deliver furniture for you while you're couch surfing? Especially in your 30s

Are you ready for his coming?

Is that why Mary was so into him?

Cause he was a shlong tripod?

That is on average I presume?

Maybe the donkey was on steroids.

So John the Baptiste was a nazarite and they don’t cut their hair or trim their beard. Jesus takes over John’s mission, and there no lines from Jesus explaining why his hair is trimmed or excusing hair or anything. I know it’s popular to note there’s no reason to think Jesus was a nazarite but fundamentally I think we can conclude he likely was.

This one time, my dad skipped the middle man and just delivered the couch with me already living on it

I'm on my knees every night begging for it

I think Jesus was a Witcher.

They didn’t have words for it then, but that was the 7 stars in his right hand

All hail Ultra Instinct Jesus, Amen

Nailed it.

He had at least two arms.

I thought the seven stars alluded to the dragon balls? It's been a while since I studied Scripture though

Yeah but that's Revelation. So it's like when Gandalf comes back as Gandalf the White. It doesn't mean his hair was always white.

What if Jesus was one og those dudes who can't grow a full beard? We will never know

I think they'd rather construct a plus-size cross than not crucify someone properly.

White hair, "blazing" eyes, a shining bright face... did Jesus have albinism (with sunburned feet)?

Yeah, everyone here seems to forget magic was involved here. For all we know he could have been 12' tall and light as a feather, with retractable beard and 5 legs.

He is whatever you imagine him to be. You just gotta have louder faith than everyone else.

You really had me going at first. But then you dropped the truth bomb in that last sentence.

It's like looking into the past

God wasn't focusing on beards when visited that season.

There's also the whole three in one thing.

So probably a bit overweight at least.

The temple market he overturned tables at isn't covered and wasn't then either. No upper limit, bigger than a baby but we can infer smaller than a planetary body to some extent. The temple is technically just the largish building in the middle.

That doesn't really say much wrt size, though..

That was a damn fine rabbit hole to go down just to get to the point of setting the upperbound of the Jesus size limit to 160kg.

Mfer was just hunting dragon balls

So what are his density extremes based on this?
(I am too lazy and hungry to do that calculation right now. Besides, just because I know he was "smaller than a temple" does not mean I know the likely size of that temple to get a true volume bound...)

We need that here.

It is my undisputed and always right opinion...

...that he must have been a pretty large dude to carry that cross.

So about as big as an Elepanth. That is smaller than a temple.

Good question. Low enough density would explain the water walking

i don’t remember from which book, but i have a memory from catholic school of his hair being described in the bible as “wooly”. did i make that up?

The second coming:

Oh my god! I'm coming! Again!

It's been said he's pretty holy, so probably not very dense.

*denarius

drachma is the greek one

That he was not attractive the bible makes quite clear.

• when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. (KJV)

• He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. (NIV)

https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Isaiah 53%3A2

American here - babies, temples...? Enough of your metric system insanity, I need this in football fields.

Anyway, we do know Jesus wasn't poor. The Wedding at Cana was a very upscale event - based on the specific types and amounts of expensive anointing oils mentioned in the text. "A poor carpenter's son" would have been there waiting tables for some extra money. Being a guest tells us he rubbed shoulders with some high rollers. His father Joseph might have been a top craftsman with wealthy clients.

This is because looks don't matter

I googled it because it sounded familiar; [book of revelations (https://www.gotquestions.org/Jesus-hair-like-wool.html) (i.e the bibles "Epilogue"!)

Since he's dead and this is a vision, I think they were actually trying to depict him as literally being a sheep in this passage. His hair is not just wooly but white, too.

Jesus was compared to a lamb so often because jewish tradition had lambs slaughtered on passover, for eating. He is "the sacrificial lamb" - Jesus's crucifixion was seen as him sacrificing himself on passover, if I understand correctly. I only mention this because it's one of the interesting elements of the religion that people don't fully understand the significance of because its actually rooted in the existing Jewish traditions.

half a dinner table, i saw the painting

jesus is an anteater

Get behind me, Satan!

Pull my hair, Satan!

ass grown donkey

maybe he was three swarms of bees in a trenchcoat

maybe Jesus mk 1 was a t-rex (not Korean, like Best Jesus) and didn't have the upper body strength to protect His flock from meteors

i prefer gandalf the mocha. he had goooood hips

and not just one dong. Big Jeezy has dong enough for anyone who wants to borrow a few (See John 6)

We know for certain only that Jesus Christ is not a sphere.

Isn't it said that he's made of light? If he was made of photons, would he even have mass? Tho he might be producing raduative pressure