This tungsten cube cured my mortality. I, in my exalted wisdom and unbridled ambition, bought this cube to become fully accustomed to the intensity of its density, to make its weight bearable and in fact normal to me, so that all the world around me may fade into a fluffy arena of gravitational inconsequence. And it has worked, to profound success. I have carried the tungsten with me, have grown attached to the downward pull of its small form, its desire to be one with the floor. This force has become so normal to me that lifting any other object now feels like lifting cotton candy, or a fluffy pillow. Big burly manly men who pump iron now seem to me as little children who raise mere aluminum.

I can hardly remember the days before I became a man of tungsten. How distant those days seem now, how burdened by the apparent heaviness of everyday objects. I laugh at the philistines who still operate in a world devoid of tungsten, their shoulders thin and unempowered by the experience of bearing tungsten. Ha, what fools, blissful in their ignorance, anesthetized by their lack of meaningful struggle, devoid of passion.

Nietzsche once said that a man who has a why can bear almost any how. But a man who has a tungsten cube can bear any object less dense, and all this talk of why and how becomes unnecessary.

Schopenhauer once said that every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world. Tungsten expands the limits of a man’s field of vision by showing him an example of increased density, in comparison to which the everyday objects to which he was formerly accustomed gain a light and airy quality. Who can lament the tragedy of life, when surrounded by such lightweight objects? Who can cry in a world of styrofoam and cushions?

Have you yet understood? This is no ordinary metal. In this metal is the alchemical potential to transform your world, by transforming your expectations. Those who have not yet held the cube in their hands and mouths will not understand, for they still live in a world of normal density, like Plato’s cave dwellers. Those who have opened their mind to the density of tungsten will shift their expectations of weight and density accordingly.

To give this cube a rating of anything less than five stars would be to condemn life itself. Who am I, as a mere mortal, to judge the most compact of all affordable materials? No. I say gratefully to whichever grand being may have created this universe: good job on the tungsten.

It sure is dense. I sit here with my tungsten cube, transcendent above death itself. For insofar as this tungsten cube will last forever, I am in the presence of immortality.

I bought a plastic flask in college and my buddies ragged on me for being cheap... they all borrowed it at least once because the venue they wanted to go to had metal detectors.

I once had to spend a night holding an Aluminium cube. The vendor suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option. It was that or go with wood. I figured it’d be safer with the metals.

For the first time ever I saw the lesser metals in their natural habitat, and it weren’t pretty. I’d seen them clustered at exhibits before, being proud but… this time I was surrounded.

Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me; fish-white sheen puckered by the rusted light; tight forms peering out for fresh meat; screechy, booze-soaked surfaces hollering out for a hand to take ’em halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole. A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year-old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer, bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. I ain’t never going back to holding Aluminium… not never.

Yep. Taken mine into Pitchfork, hockey games, and whatever else. Metal flasks are as useful as a plaque on a wall. Nice visually, not functionally.

Brilliant, thank you

True, I have a tungsten cube! It's a small one, and I have never had an object get lost in the couch more easily. Sinks right to the bottom.

There are some gifts that are good for a lot of people regardless of their interests, but these guides never seem to know any of them and it’s annoying.

For instance everywhere cold that I’ve lived, people would love another heated blanket, even if they already have one. Or really just any blanket, can’t have too many. Also a good evaporative humidifier is something everyone needs and no one has. It took me 15 years to buy a real carpet cleaner for myself, just check their house while you’re over to see if there’s one lying around. Consumable stuff is great because even if they already have it they can use more soon.

Guides ignore this kind of thing and pretty much exclusively recommend stuff that most people wouldn’t like due to tastes. “Get them this clip-on book light!” but they only read on tablets, or they already have a light because that problem needed immediate solving, or they simply don’t like the kind you bought because there are so many.

Anyway the guides are terrible, but they don’t have to be.

What if they cut themselves?

In the convenient storage slot next to the built-in man scaping kit (including mustache comb, beard oil dispenser, and straight razor in the shape of an assault weapon)

My admittedly not great understanding of it was along the lines of some metals are too good at conducting heat and would basically put their own fires out in most circumstances. I do not know if that is correct

Are they made of tungsten?

If you would feed a wombat tungsten powder...

That will be an important lesson

Maybe, but I can tell you that copper's thermal conductivity is better than e.g. gold, and copper can absolutely burn in open air if the particle sizes are small enough. Aluminum will too, of course.

I'm not about to try it with my meager supply of gold. The stuff is damned expensive at the moment.

Books are the ultimate gift form.

That's true, am man, want this.

Am man, can confirm.

And an ignition source! Need all four to burn. Fuel, oxidizer, heat, and ignition.

Often I don't need specific items. I just need some new concepts to get my mind out of a rut of the same old gift ideas. I don't want the kind of friends who would like to receive monogrammed anything.

bismuth plz

It’s because most of these ‘guides’ are drop shipping or affiliate link farming.

The knife flavored whiskey can also be lathered into a foam to shave your balls with. Your man balls.

Honestly as a man, i'm thrilled if someone gives me flowers. I never get flowers. I like flowers. They look nice, they make a room comfortable. Heteronormativity sucks.

Isn't this just Dior Fahrenheit?

Metal conducts heat

A friend of mine put Jägermeister straight from the freezer into a flask and shoved it down their pants. 30 minutes later the liquid had expanded so much the flask burst.

1: I want this children's book.

2: That sounds like either cruelty to animals or a war crime.

3: The tungsten wombats sounds like either a band or a minor league sports team.

I want pretty candles and fruity rum. I'll always be happy if people get me pretty candles and fruity rum.

And fuck flasks. It's impossible to tell when their full except when they overflow. I have one and I hate it.

Yeah, good point. One time I tried to use a metal one with just room temp whiskey, it leaked all over for the same reason.

Preach bro preach

If a woman gave me flowers I'd be over the moon

Man balls because I am a cis man who is not trans and therefore doesn't have lady balls

No idea, never heard of it. If it is I am interested though.

I have a steel cube, I gave him googly eyes. He could use a tungsten friend.

What book?

You could use a measuring cup and a funnel. Fill the flask with water, then pour it out into the empty measuring cup to figure out its volume. Then only fill it with that much whiskey or whatever

There's a series, starting with If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, that go into a circular butterfly effect of consequences.

Only works if it's empty, or you measure/record pourings

Best I can do is a bear-carcass golf bag.

Glass flasks are superior.