Don't be a dick, strive instead to be a penis

"but there's no way those people can be considered my neighbors!" ~ people for thousands of years.

I don’t need some hippie’s permission

I like to read it as syntactically equivalent to "listen to music as you do the dishes". You're meant to love yourself AND your neighbor. Love everybody, and that includes yourself!

If you don't hate yourself, how the hell can you hate someone else? Can I get an Amen

Tbf, Jesus is simply quoting from the Torah here to address some religious scholars that were trying to trap Him by asking “what the bestest most importantest commandment?” (That’s a direct translation from Greek, btw) His actual teaching is “love each other as I love you.”

I see you've met my ex-husband.

Him: "I don't understand how you're supposed to love your wife like your own body. I hate my body."

Me: "Ok but you love good food, being comfortable, sex, etc. You show love to your body by making it feel good."

Him: repeats original comment like I hadn't spoken.

I'm supposed to jerk my neighbor off?

Yes

You joke but that logic actually makes the original phrase kinda moot now that I think about it. Because on the one hand you're right, you need to understand hate to practice it. But on the other hand there's no need to hate yourself in order to hate someone else. For example a victim of a violent crime has no need to hate themselves and is morally justified in hating their aggressor. So by that logic, there's also no intrinsic need to love yourself in order to love others either. Surely loving yourself would make you more experienced at loving others but it's not really a prerequisite like the phrase wants to make it...

So treating your wife well is feeding her fast food every two days, letting her smoke a pack a day, and having sex with her?
Wanna hook up? I can do that. If you need more comfort I have a sofa

You jerk yourself off, and Jesus says to love your neighbor like you love yourself.

It's sort of a truthyism for projection.

In real life, victims of any crime do blame (and sometimes hate) themselves for being victimized.

If he was quoting then isn't that a teaching? Unless he was lying...

Yeah that's kind of how it works.

Which is even a better quote assuming that jesus loves everyone equally