His kiss was slow, but firm and unyielding like an old man backing his Lincoln.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xg48cp

I caress you, like a curious wasp.
You embrace me, like a spiteful pheasant.
It's quite unpleasant.
Ow, my eye.
And then you shit on my head.

Also related -- https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2024

She had a body that reached out and slapped my face like a five-pound ham-hock tossed from a speeding truck.

NGL, I thought it was gonna go MUCH darker until the final two words 😁

Did you realise that every author is given with their location? And the location is their country in full words except if it's in the US, it's the postal shorthand for the state. Just something I noticed, mh.
Funny contest, nonetheless.

Lived in a townhouse once and this really old guy rented the adjacent home (ran as an airbnb) he absolutely obliterated our shared mailbox (1 post that split to 2 boxes) with his absolutely massive Lincoln.

Instead of calling anyone about it he attempted to repair it with a handful of loose screws he had in the trunk and a drill he also had for.some reason. When I checked the mail it immediately collapsed.

The airbnb owner did pay for the replacement, but that man had no buisness driving at all

That's normal for two reasons:

• If the competition was held in the UK, you'd get "Staffordshire" "Durham" and the other counties without the country name.
• I think most of the world accepts that a single US state is larger than the size of most European countries, so gives them leeway when naming a town and a state.