Another of my pathetic attention seeking rants incoming.

I hate myself, so God damn much. I recently went out and socialised and I know i was just some creepy man with tits. That i acted "weird in the weirdest possible way". I had creepy thoughts (i mean who tf thinks these things??) creepy demeanor creepy everything.

I feel the need to repent, ive already bashed my leg a little, but i think ill start cutting again. Im just so evil, i dont really deserve to live. Im a creature both mentally and physically that should be locked in some dungeon. I should be fucking murdered brutally by some hero.

If i had some moral backbone, i would kill myself knowing that I am someone who should not live. But alas, i dont have the courage. Instead ill just block everyone or something and bed rot until i hopefully starve.

-Minty

Jesus, Minty, stop.

Have some grace for yourself. You struggle day in and day out and you expect to handle all this flawlessly?

Don’t hurt yourself. That just compounds the misery.

🫂 youre not a man with tits youre a girl. this sounds a lot like what i went through when i first started trying to be myself socially. idk if it will really help, but what worked for me (very slowly) was reminding myself that other people dont pick apart every little thing that i do the way i do to myself. im sure it went fine, youre just having something like a hangover. it hurts a lot being yourself around people for the first time in years and years. when i started trying to unmask early in my transition i would have a good time in the moment, then spend days ruminating and convincing myself that i did something wrong and everyone hates me now, but that didnt happen. i was just terrified because people actually saw me for once, rather than the mask. it will get easier, i promise. for now just take care of yourself. you did such a good job putting yourself out there like that you deserve a break.

Minty no. You're not evil. There is a lot of evil in this world and you are absolutely not it. The evil people who don't deserve to live are the kinds who commit atrocities, not social faux pas.

There is no need to repent, only to learn. Take care of yourself. Drink water, eat healthy, sleep well. You'll be better next time!

You should change your sign off that one is not accurate.

Hilde <3

Rant away. Right now this moment sucks, and the feelings are what they are. They are not forever.

You aren’t a creature or a monster, just a young woman struggling with a world that isn’t accommodating. Transitioning and socializing take time, and it takes good days and bad. You did the best you could in public, you’ll figure out ways to navigate it better over time.

Minty you aren't creepy I promise you :(

You aren't evil, and you aren't a man with tits. I really mean that. You aren't attention seeking for making a post like this either.

I hope you can get into a better frame of mind soon. If you need to stay in for a bit to recover please remember to take care of yourself.

Sweet Minty, you are both an adorable kitty and a valid woman. Courageous on top of that ! Going socialising is not everyone's cup of tea, yet you did it.

Hey, it's okay girl, you're no evil, no monster.
You totally deserve to live a joyful life.

Hugs to you girl

i was in a 4am im evil spiral. Partly better now. I didnt hurt myself beyond some bruising on my leg.

Thank you, i will try to give that grace to myself.

Thank you ❤️

Also thank you for sharing your experience.

Tha main thing with me is ive had bad experiences of being called weird and stuff, so im not really imagining that im being perceieved in that way. "weird in the weirdest way possible" is a direct quote someone used to describe me.

That, combined with my intrusive thoughts about doing creepy things (i often put my hands behind my back just in case i do something) so it makes it really hard to not see myself as some predator. I self harm in response to possibly being creepy to deal with the guilt of it. Now that i think of it, theres nothing that i did, these are just as u say hangovers from socialising for me. Noone has actually said i acted badly at all.

Thank you i really appreciate it ❤️

Thank uu ❤️

Unfortuntely my mind very much says if u had met me, you would think otherwise :/

Made the edit.

And thank you, ill look after myself today to recover

Thanks ❤️❤️

eh, that's quite egoistic of you to think that you can decide whether you're worthy of life or not.

i'm pretty sure that there's people who think that you're cute and who want to be around you. and it would be rude and inappropriate to deny them of that chance.

Im not sure if i really appreciate that comment. The thoughts bring me a lot of pain