Original Reddit post

So I was abused as a kid, but it wasn’t any sort of physical abuse. It was all mental, my mom is a narcissist, she made it her life’s mission to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough.
She also manipulated me into thinking I could do nothing for myself. She wouldn’t really let me just go and hang out with friends, she wouldn’t let me eat the things I wanted, she would yell at me if my grades were slipping but then get angry at me if I studied to much, she would ask me very personal questions about my sex life, she would make fun of every single interest and hobby that I had. I had no privacy or control over my own life.
She had even gotten physical with me a few times, but it wasn’t enough to call it real abuse. I feel like she just wanted control in every aspect of my life, my friendships, my hobbies, my love life, my education, etc.
She even forced me into homeschooling, where if I didn’t understand a concept she would scream at me and sometimes hit me.
I feel so ashamed by it, I know I was just a kid but being abused by your own mother makes me feel like I am less of a man. I mean people get abused by there dads, and they can usually talk freely about it but this just feels like something I have to keep quiet from everyone.
I feel like it has affected me as a person, I seek constant praise, I am constantly checking my surroundings for danger, I don’t trust anyone and feel like if I am not useful to people then they won’t want me around.
What should I do, how should I gain my confidence back despite my childhood. How do I start trusting women and people in general?
submitted by
/u/Elijah_Ti

Originally posted by u/Elijah_Ti on r/AskMen