In the video essay I previously posted - what even IS hierarchy? - by AnRel, AnRel(they/she) claims that there are (among others) prescriptive and descriptive hierarchies in non-monogamous relationship networks. From what I understood:

• Prescriptive means things like primary/secondary, marriage etc where one relationship might have power over the other relationship via agreements, enforcing rules, vetos etc. This seemingly results in a hierarchy that works through power (one of the 3 main components of hierarchy they propose)

• Descriptive means putting current structures of relating into words, kinda describing what the current state is (like "I have 2 anchor partners, I spend X amount of time with them, one is also my nesting partner, I also have a comet)" so people are able to choose if they want to enter a relationship with these existing dynamics. They argue, that there is still a hierarchy in play, this time on the axis of priority (another on of the 3 main components of hierarchy they propose). So some relationships have prioritized access to ressources / time / attention etc.

• The part of the video I am talking about starts at 14:30

AnRel seemed to be opposed to both kinds of hierarchy. While I can easily understand and actively try to dismantle the first one, the second one - "descriptive hierarchy" - is something I can see in my, its hard for me to see how its a negative / authoritarian thing. I struggle to see ways to dismantle it, how it would look without this kind of "ranking of priorities" and how I & my relationship would benefit from it.

Anyone here has some experience to share / opinions on this?