"Good afternoon, Greendale Community College!
I am your dean with a few corrections to the fall class catalog.
Cosmology should be Cosmetology.
Astrology should be Astronomy.
And The... The students on the cover should be smiling, but I suppose that's a matter of opinion...
Whoever is growing a small patch of cannabis behind the gymnasium, congratulations, you have won a cruise... Report to security to claim your tickets.
In order to increase awareness of homelessness, security has been given binoculars.
In campus news... the debate over our library's PA system continues, with some students suggesting its volume be lowered while others... question its very purpose... More on that story as it unfolds."

Our first glimpse of the brilliant, yet insanely (emphasis on insane) attractive, Senior "El Tigre Chino" Chang. We learn that Jeff might have a softer side. And that people were excited to see Peirce too.

Also that Guatemala journalist..... Piñatas and all.