I hate safety standards. And let me tell you exactly why. Safety standards is why I never bulit that tree fort. Safety standards is why I can never be an astronaut. Safety standards is why I will never be forklift certified. Safety standards is the bane of my existence.

Of course, there are good things about safety standards. That's why we don't get our fingers cut off and bones crushed so much. It still happens, sure, but not nearly as much as when there were no safety standards. So it's not all bad. But some safety standards are just ridiculous. Every time I find a new fronteer to explore, I am met with an impossible wall of hoops that I cannot jump through. You gotta have a healthy body. You gotta have a license, you gotta have special training. Blah blah blah.

Since when did safety stop progress? If making progress isn't worth losing some fingers, then it's not worth even striving for.

So, hereby I call for the abolition of safety standards. Not all of them, just the ones that I personally don't like.

As the arbiter of all that is good and holy on this Earth, I proclaim that any standard that would normally stop me from doing anything dangerous should be abolished.

Can't be an astronaut because your eyes and blood vessels will explode? You should be allowed to take that risk. Can't get forklift certified because you have literally no depth perception? Driving that forklift should be your risk to take. Don't have a license for practicing medicine? Just don't let your patients die and be a good doctor, forehead. As long as you don't do anything really stupid, you should be allowed to do whatever you want, safety be damned!

It's my life and I should be allowed to endanger it all I want. It's called natural selection. If I'm too dumb to survive, I should be allowed to die with dignity, in a freak accident caused by my own stupidity.

Thank you all for reading, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Stay safe, and God bless.