Link: https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5750716-pentagon-pizza-report-hegseth/

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth jokingly said any surge in takeout deliveries to the Pentagon — a phenomenon that has accurately predicted the start of major geopolitical events — could be him ordering pizza “just to throw everybody off.”

Asked about the “Pentagon Pizza Report,” an account on X that tracks activity at local pizza joints near the U.S. military hub, Hegseth said he was aware of the account.

“I’ve thought of just ordering lots of pizza on random nights just to throw everybody off,” he said Sunday on Fox News. “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Dominos orders, it might just be me on an app, throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance. We look at every indicator.”

Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too

We look at every indicator.

After it's become widespread international news meaning our allies and enemies have known for at least a decade...

Okay, fuck, he got me, that's really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.

it's not gay if you don't look into each other's eyes...

Pete Kegsbreath

And what is he going to do with all of those "diversion" pizzas?

Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you're planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.

But the party of "lol your poor git gud" wouldn't dream of such a thing. More likely they'll toss them in the dumpster.

That's why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off

"Thought about" and "might just" are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I'd be shocked if he puts in one "fake" order, and highly doubt he'll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.

Hello? Is this Dominos?

“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”

Pretty sure he said this exact thing last year when the Pizza Index was correct. Is this a cute little gem he just has on standby?

He thought of ordering lots of pizza? What a genius mastermind.

Aren't all the pedos using "pizza" as covert code for child pornography ?

You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.

All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can't, and it's all bullshit.

Right. He's too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.

A decade ago I was like, "FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they're not in government".

I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.

That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You'd simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there's a lower than normal amount, you know we're gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.

Americans shouldn't starve in such a wealthy nation, but there's just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The defense war budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all that

If you pull some random amount off the stack every day and store it to pass along on the next day, and build up a rolling reserve before pulling from that reserve for invasion day, you could hide that tell pretty effectively.

Loved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran's shelter.

It's not to track via homeless shelters, the joke is that he's willing to waste food as Americans face food concerns.

at least a decade…

You're not wrong, but even this article mentions a news article from 1991… heh

Yes, except it's not cute, nor really a game. Just stupidity. But otherwise, you're right :)

The 90s needed actual spooks casing out pizza places... That was a real thing, Russians casing take out joints in DC, even before pizza was a big deal.

But it was easier just to keep an eye on the parking lots and how many lights stayed on overnight.

For at least the last decade, there have been electronic means of surveillance allowing every country who gives a shit to monitor 24/7. Which sounds stupid, but that monitoring is essentially free and just one of 100s if not thousands of individual flags.

Pizza flag may go off a lot, but if x, y, and z are all also happening...

Then everyone knows something is gonna happen.

call me optimistic but i think he's just having a laugh

I know. And the joke is that it wouldn't work for other reasons.

This is precisely how it should be done and how it would never be done because of their abject incompetence, the absurdity of the whole idea aside. :)

He's too stupid and dangerous to be given that benefit of the doubt.

Dude no... dont send republicans to ruin the vibe.

Tbf, they're not sending anyone to where they haven't been before. 🤷‍♂️

Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh???

(Ricky Gervais)

doubt

The Grindr server crashed on two separate Republican conventions and I've been seeing closeted republican men on Craigslist trolling for cock since the beginning of time. Do you need more evidence?

Do you think the same people have anonymous hook ups are publicly attending gay bars?

Do you think the same people have anonymous hook ups are publicly attending gay bars?

Tell me you’ve never been to a bar without telling me.

Your tax dollars at work.

Give us your credit card number Pete and we'll help you order those pizzas.

Do you think taxation is theft?

It's not to buy pizza on a lark.

¿ how does that comment imply taxation is theft ?

The real order will look like the Pentagon is throwing a kegger

That's just an average day for the alcoholic in charge.

everyone on foodstamps buying pizza on a lark with them (including me)

A real military mobilization is about as easy to conceal as a sunrise. And you're not going to fool anyone by ordering a few extra pizzas.

So did he Just admit that war with Iran is imminent?

Only if it's used for pizza parties.

Yes, and they will let you know. "I'm a Republican and I'm gay curious".

no, but misuse, yes.

when we stupidize our enemies, we lose sight of how to fight them

Don’t blame me for this. I haven’t been contacted at all. I may be The Alcoholic but I’m not in charge and I don’t appreciate your accusations. Btw I accidentally fucked your dog. My apologies.