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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-02-24 05:00:07+00:00.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CoronaDelivers

Originally posted to r/Ratschlag (German Advice sub)

My best friend has been acting like a total jerk for months. + 3-Year Update

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: emotional and verbal abuse

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Editor's note: the original and update posts are in German, I have translated them to English for ease of readability

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Original Post: August 25, 2023

Hey Reddit advice community,

I'm reaching out because I'm at my wit's end. Things blew up yesterday with my best friend. We've been friends for over 10 years, and things were always great, but for months now, he's been acting increasingly disrespectful and toxic. Yesterday was the breaking point. After a concert, he texted me recommending a game I'd already played and thought was terrible. Then, he quoted a mutual friend, basically implying I'm too dumb to play video games and am an idiot.

That was the last straw. It totally ruined my day. I was so mad I sent him a voice note saying I wouldn't put up with that behavior anymore and why he had to ruin my day like that. I was a bit louder because the place was noisy and I was angry. He said he wouldn't be talked to like that, even if I'm his best friend, and that I was being disrespectful (I didn't think I was yelling). After some back and forth, I told him I was done with this crap and cut contact with him and that other buddy: muted them both on chat and WhatsApp, and hid the chats (didn't delete them!).

Here are some examples of how he's treated me in recent weeks and months:

* Insults me in a friend's Twitch chat, telling all the viewers I'm stupid, fat, and an idiot, referencing things I said in the chat or my in-game performance.

* Constantly comments on my eating habits, but downs 1-2 bottles of wine after work every night.

* Sarcastically asks what I do at work and gets mad if I take vacation or have a day off. He himself works 15-20 hours a day, voluntarily.

* Criticizes my taste in everything – music, anime, games, you name it. If I suggest something or add it to our Discord bot, it's instantly "trash" and "crap."

* Gets mad about my volunteer work for my club, calling it "slave labor" because I don't get paid. He plays tennis at his club and also holds a volunteer position there.

* If that other buddy corrects him on a mistake, it's fine. If I correct him, it's a huge deal, and he "already knew" anyway.

* After a trade show, he bombarded me with messages because he hadn't heard from me in 4.5 hours. He knew I was at a trade show.

And that's just a small sample of his recent behavior. I think he's stressed from work and taking it out on me. Like I said, I've temporarily cut contact because it's too much. I don't want to end the friendship completely; it means too much to me. But this can't continue. I'm not dealing with this toxic relationship anymore, and it's really bringing me down.

I've told friends about this, and they agree with me, seeing that my best friend seems to enjoy putting me down and making me angry. Still, I wanted to ask Reddit if I reacted correctly, what your suggestions are for how to move forward with this friendship, or if you have other ideas about why he's acting this way, given the information I've provided.

TL;DR:
My longtime best friend has been acting disrespectful and toxic for months, including insults, criticism of my choices, and belittling me. Things escalated when he publicly humiliated me on Discord. I've temporarily paused contact because I can't handle the toxicity, but I don't want to end the friendship. I'm on Reddit looking for opinions and advice on my actions and how to deal with this situation.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Did you tell him why you're reducing contact now? Maybe in a calmer message a little later?

If so, there's not much more you can do. Perhaps try cautiously re-establishing contact after a month or two to see if things have improved, but otherwise we can't really tell you much more.

OOP: I told him I was fed up with him constantly bringing me down and behaving so badly towards me, which is why I'm going to reduce contact.

Commenter 2: And what even made him your best friend? Sounds more like "keep your friends close but your enemies closer"...

OOP: Up until a few months ago, everything was fine. A little trash talk among friends is normal, but it's simply reached a point where I'm no longer willing to tolerate it.

Commenter 3: The game is Baldur's Gate 3?

By the way, if he's downing one or two bottles of wine a day, he's a serious alcoholic at a high level. Such toxic habits are commonplace in that case.

OOP: No, the game was a RimWorld + Crusader Kings clone, of which I had already played the demo and simply didn't enjoy it.

It's not every day, but he does regularly drink beer or wine after work.

Commenter 4: I had a very similar situation in my circle of friends once. Two best friends drifted apart in much the same way as you described because one of them became "envious" of the other. The issue was that one of them had a girlfriend, a good job, was "good-looking," and generally had a better life—at least that's how the other friend saw it. The toxic friend was basically just dissatisfied with his own life and took his frustration out on his closest friend.

Perhaps you could approach it from this angle. The fact that he wants to reduce you to your looks and intelligence seems to me like he's just trying to distract himself (and others) from himself.

Does he perhaps have "less" in some respect than you, or do you have something he envies about you? Would he perhaps even trade lives with you if he could?

OOP: So, I don't have a girlfriend or partner, I'm overweight, and I earn less than him. The only thing I probably have more of than him is more free time.

Update: February 14, 2026 (2 years and 6 months later)

Update: My best friend has been acting like a total jerk for months.

Hey everyone, three years ago I posted the following here and asked for advice: Best friend has been acting like a total a-hole for a month

Three years ago, I asked for advice here because my best friend was behaving impossibly. Today I want to give you an update on what's happened since then.

After my post back then, there was first a heart-to-heart. I explained to him openly how much his behavior and the way he talked about my job hurt me. I also apologized for my own emotional reactions and tried to work on myself. For a while, things actually went better, but after a short time he fell back into old patterns. Even my other friends were already asking me why I was still maintaining this friendship at all.

The situation finally escalated about a year and a half ago around our shared hobby, Pen and Paper. For my birthday, I led my first own adventure as a game master. While everyone else was having fun and forgave my beginner's mistakes, he massively criticized my playing style and the story. Later, when a date for our regular game was coming up, he canceled at the very last minute to work on his house. After a discussion in the group, he left it frustrated. At the same time, he started his own online group and specifically invited a player with whom I was in conflict. Since this person constantly provoked me, I felt compelled to withdraw from all shared groups.

The final break came a good year ago. He had asked me weeks in advance for help with renovations. Shortly afterwards, however, my sister invited me to celebrate her birthday at the amusement park. Since there were already five other helpers on site on the day in question, as well as his parents, I asked my sister to ask him directly if it was okay with him if I accompanied her. He initially agreed, but reacted offended in the evening and accused me of only sending her. I decided the next day for my sister and the amusement park. During the trip, he posted a very hurtful status against me. When he provoked me again the following Monday by message and made accusations, I finally pulled the plug.

In a knee-jerk reaction, I blocked him everywhere and broke off contact with the shared group of friends. Looking back, that was the best decision I could have made. During the time of our friendship, I was in a deep mental hole, which he only fueled with his behavior. Today I feel much better mentally, I have worked on myself and positively expanded my circle of friends. He did try to get information about me through my best friend, but that was immediately blocked. Thanks to everyone who advised me back then to pull the ripcord. It was absolutely the right advice.

AI was used to make the text more structured and readable.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: I know that feeling well... for years I was simply taken for granted, someone they could use as they pleased (I was unemployed for a long time), and the fact that I actually had other friends who genuinely wanted to see me and didn...

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Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: I know that feeling well... for years I was simply taken for granted, someone they could use as they pleased (I was unemployed for a long time), and the fact that I actually had other friends who genuinely wanted to see me and didn't just need me for some random purpose was completely lost on that person. It's been almost 15 years since I last spoke to that person, and I don't miss it.

OOP: His previous post was similar. At the time, I was working a low-paying job, had little income, and relatively free time. That really bothered him, while he was working 10-12 hours a day for the company.

I'm now fully back in the workforce and love my job. If he knew what my day is like, I'd probably have to listen to his brand of envy again. Simply because I work less than he does.

Commenter 2: Sounds like you're feeling better now, congratulations :)

OOP: Yes, I'm feeling much better, thank you! I should have ended it much sooner, but you don't want to just end a friendship that's lasted 20 years. Hindsight is always 20/20, unfortunately.

Commenter 3: "When a friend leaves, you must close the door, otherwise it will get cold." Bertolt Brecht

I'm glad you were able to break free from the other one! :)

Commenter 4: Great! I'm happy for you; some people are really just a hindrance and only make you feel bad. Well done for sticking with it and making your own decision :)

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