Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1rd6t7m/aita_for_interrupting_my_autistic_brothers/

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2026-02-24 05:00:25+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is throwaway1847329. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: abuse; neglect; chronic pain;

Mood Spoiler: some improvements but still a lot unresolved and sad

Original Post: January 31, 2026

Throw away because I think my friends know my account

I, 17F, have a brother, 15M, who is autistic. He has a routine where he comes downstairs at night, watches TV when no one else is down, and falls asleep on the couch.

Lately, my bed has become uncomfortable to the point of pain. For context, I have hyper flexibility/a connective tissue disorder and scoliosis, and as a result of my scoliosis, my shoulders are wonky and my left shoulder blade grinds against my ribs, but also causes generic pain and means that too much pressure on my back for an extended period of time causes quite severe pain, such as laying on my mattress.

My mattress is very old, it came from my older sister who had it for 10+ years in somewhat mild-moderate use and I've now had it for 5+ years. The foam on top of the metal frame has worn down, and now I can feel the frame no matter where or how I lie, and I wake up in quite severe pain. I also spend a couple hours winding down before I sleep, and so, as of late, I have been coming down stairs to watch the tv to wind down myself so I spare myself from a couple of hours in the bed on the mattress, and it does actually help.

However, my brother has now decided to find it a problem, and this has caused arguments and issues. He has also brought our parents into this, who naturally take his side because 'it's his routine, don't break it' even when my issues are brought up. He just decided to go up and yell at my parents when I told him preemptively that I was going to come downstairs, and clearly my parents for once took my side, as he came down and gave me a bunch of verbal abuse.

I don't do this every night, just the nights I have the worst pain from several nights of no break, and I don't tell him he can't be down, I tell him he is more than welcome to sit on the love chair we also have in the living room with the only request that he either uses headphones or has low/no volume on his phone without headphones so I can actually focus and enjoy what I'm watching. However, he has decided that clearly that is the worst condition ever, and has his volume up full, which I know my parents will be able to hear. I feel bad, but I also know I need to put my health first because no one else in this house will. My parents disregard my bountiful issues and tell me I'm overdramatic even when they themselves have it and experienced it as they passed it down to me.

AITA? Should I just suck it up? I do have a TV in my own room, but it's only accessible to watch on my bed, and he also has a computer in his room with access to everything the TV has mad the passwords, so it's not like he also doesn't have options.

If I need to add more context or information, please do tell me what.

Thanks in advance

Things I think I should add

-I'm in the UK, specifically Scotland. You Americans are very helpful, but Walmart doesn't exist here (unfortunately)

-I don't have a job, no one wants to hire a 17 year old because most will quit to focus on uni.

-the NHS is shockingly unhelpful. It can take years for a referral. It took them 2 months before I had to phone them to email my teachers a note for accommodations for exams (I get rest breaks and have to have a heated and warm room because my joints freeze up otherwise which affects writing)

-my brother is definitely high functioning. He will live a relatively normal life with minimal limitations. Obviously he has symptoms and it does affect his day to day life, but he is 100% verbal and goes through school perfectly fine (my school has an autism unit specifically to assist people with a diagnosis, it has dimmed lights, no noise, is completely seperate, supplies to listen to music to self soothe that be was offered and declined)

-something I forgot to mention, the reason he had this routine is that he is too tall for his bed, and can't sleep in it without pain (sound familiar?) However my parents in this case are trying to rectify it (here's where it diverts) and are searching for a new bed with a longer mattress actively

Some of OOP's Comments:

Editor's note: OOP had many, many comments. I tried to pick a few that answered common questions and added more context.

ringslingleader: Info Why haven’t your parents purchased a new mattress?

OOP: They say it's too expensive (despite buying themselves a new mattress every 5 years and my brother a new bed AND mattress every couple of years as he grows) and have told me if I really want one, I can buy it with my own money when I get a job or use my Christmas money (which I still haven't even received from them)

MistressLyda: Where on earth are their old mattresses going? Not that you should not get a new one, but even a 5 year old used one would be a upgrade here.

OOP: Straight to the bin. It's for the best unfortunately, medical issues run in the family and we had a seriously sick dog (rip) so the mattress was wrecked

To another commenter:

My mum has bladder issues, which I realised I never explicitly stated before, merely that my entire family has health issues. The mattresses are ruined. My brother sleeps on a single, while I sleep on a double, which means I can't take his mattresses. I sleep on a double because of my need to be able to stretch out and move and rotate because of my genuine issues. If I could use them, I would, but I can't. They normally time the mattress swap for during school hours (which makes sense since the house is emptier and you can pay companies to dispose of the mattress they're replacing for you) so I wouldn't even get a chance to ask before they toss it

ofmoranges: Are you able to get a mattress topper for your bed? [...]

OOP: Unfortunately not, my parents won't buy one because my pain 'isn't that bad' and I don't have a job (though not for lack of trying, but no one wants a 17 year old still in school because they know they're all about to go off to uni)

ofmoranges: I don't understand why your parents are downplaying your condition. You're clearly in pain. They're also favouriting your brother

OOP: They always have, but especially since his diagnosis. I think it ties into the fact he's the last kid they had before their 5 miscarriages. I have chronic migraines and painful periods (suspected endometriosis) passed from my mum, and she also tells me I'm dramatic for experiencing such pain and forces me to go into school even when I'm light reactive from a migraine or literally unable to walk from pain.

KSknitter: Might I suggest actually shopping for one and seeing what they cost? [...]

Also, if you have annual check ups, bring it up with your doctor. Sometimes insurance will actually cover mattresses in America (I know, so weird that American insurance covers weird stuff like that) so I assume they might in the UK

OOP: I don't actually know how it would work for the UK, since we don't have insurance and I don't wanna go begging my doctor to get me a mattress, but I looked online and there was this hefty cheap double memory foam mattress for 32 quid, but my parents have never been one for replacing my mattress. I slept on the same mattress from the age of 3 to 12 and I never ever flipped or rotated it once, and my mattress now is like this with flipping/rotating it every time I change it.

OOP adds:

if I can buy a new mattress with my Christmas money I 100% will though, I think I saw one on wowcher for cheap, if I verify it's safe I'll probably do that

OOP and taking her pain seriously:

I am, but I have a lot of referrals in busy places, and I think most referrals are waiting for the genetic testing results to come back. (because I have so many issues they made me do it to see if this all stemmed from one genetic issue to treat that) That or they're waiting for my neurology referral to happen

To another commenter:

Hopefully they'll find it! They're actually doing genetic testing on me right now! I was meant to see a rheumatologist, but the genetic specialist hijacked it and recommended the testing, especially after getting family history. He was a joyous man though, definitely fit the paediatrics ward, was just awkward cause I was 17 in a children's hospital so they act how you'd hope a person in a children's hospital act with young kids lol

Autism in the family:

Autism runs DEEP in this family. My parents show a lot of the symptoms but they won't get tested even though 3/4 have a diagnosis of autism or autism and ADHD and I'm waiting to be 18 to get tested. I don't doubt I am too, but if I try get tested now, if I don't get the response by the time I'm 18, they'll scrap all my files and I'll have to start all over again. I believe I scored 1 point under the Ehlers Danlos requirement ...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1rd6t7m/aita_for_interrupting_my_autistic_brothers/

Autism in the family:

Autism runs DEEP in this family. My parents show a lot of the symptoms but they won't get tested even though 3/4 have a diagnosis of autism or autism and ADHD and I'm waiting to be 18 to get tested. I don't doubt I am too, but if I try get tested now, if I don't get the response by the time I'm 18, they'll scrap all my files and I'll have to start all over again. I believe I scored 1 point under the Ehlers Danlos requirement as well, so no diagnosis for me! Yay!

Brother:

Yeah, he grew up to be an asshole. I get verbal abuse pretty much every conversation, and the entire time I've been responding to people with a video in the background he keeps saying 'see, you can do it on your phone' to try make me go upstairs, and he isn't actually severely autistic. He does suffer from many social issues and a few other issues autism is known for, but he is definitely able to live life essentially normal, like go to school, in the future have a job, ect ect. I cant remember the word for it lol
To another commenter:
Thank you! My parents have always been very 'let's just soothe him with what he wants so we don't have to deal with a tantrum' and as a result he tends to get what he wants, do whatever he feels like, etc etc. I think I'm just extra mad at him (and my parents) because he got his expensive hobby/hyperfixation funded while I still haven't received my Christmas money which I was told I was going to get after the 15th of January (happy February by the way!) which has kinda boiled over into a general frustration with them all

No contact:

Thank you so much! I've already been genuinely considering going no contact when I can, which says things. My parents won't take me to the doctors unfortunately for my depression, even though they both experience it (and weaponize it) but the anxiety is diagnosed as severe. I'm praying to get some help, but with my anxiety, I have literal anxiety about discussing any of my mental health. I tend to turn things into an awkward joke or play it down because that's what I was raised to do. I didn't know they were comorbidities though, so that's good to know!

Being more quiet/taking the love seat:

I 100% see what you mean! I think I responded in another persons comment, but I have tried this. I was quite, didn't bother him. He spent the entire time glaring, huffing and puffing and after an hour decided the best course of action was to throw the dog and cats hardest toys at me, aiming for my head, ribs and laptop, saying he hoped he broke something, whether my property or my bone. I was terrified but stood my ground and he eventually stopped when my dad came down. For context I, am on the tier side, 5ft 7/8, but he is at least 6ft and definitely stronger than me because of all my issues. He very well could break one of my bones with a punch or a squeeze. Because I'm down here maybe once every 4-7 days, and not every day like he is, I try to give him. A couple of days warning by saying my back is in pain and I'll probably be down in a couple of days to warn him, and yes I would prefer to use the TV, but I don't need to. I'm more than happy to read on my phone. But he feels he owns the entire living room, which is where this issue stems. I hope I don't come off as hostile, If I do please tell me where and how so I can fix it, but I hope I explained what I meant well?

OOP is voted NTA

This is one of those things where a child needs to learn how to address issues with parents or escape.

Mini Update in Comments: February 15, 2026 (15 days later)

Hi! I haven't responded to comments in ages because I got grounded, but I ended up getting a new mattress! (Update post is awaiting verification) it is memory foam and high density foam (I presume that's normal) and it has lessened my pain luckily! Plus the fact it's got a cooling gel layer helps with the random bursts of warmth I get, it's honestly a life saver!

Update Post: February 17, 2026 (2 days later, 17 from OG post)

Sorry for not being around to update or respond for a while! I took several people's advice, told my brother that I was down because my bed was so violently uncomfortable and he brought it up to my parents, I read this to my parents but changed ages, genders and the hobby so it sounded like another person, essentially hid it. At the end, I told them I felt the same and related to the story, and how bad my back pain was. I told them how I couldn't lie on one side without big red marks where I had been laying even after only 10 minutes etc etc. And I got grounded for being 'ungrateful, rude and dramatic'. For about 2 weeks. I only just got my phone back to update you all.

Good news is that me and my brother (mainly him) wore my parents down and I got a new mattress! A cheap memory and high density foam one off of Amazon (only 76 quid on an offer, normally 89 or something) and it has been the dream! I'm no longer in so much pain, it's so good on my back (medium firmness, not too hard, not too soft) my joints aren't angry at me as much and I genuinely sleep for over 10 hours each time. It's amazing. I feel well rested for the first time in months.

Other good news, I completed an interview for a university, have another for a college and have an unconditional for a year course to lead me into the main course I want because I didn't meet entry requirements AND I for my Christmas money, which I will splurge on my dream piercings because I deserve that shit X3. I thought I should update you all now that I'm finally able to. Thank you all for your advice, offers and just general help and support. You gave me the confidence to sort of stand up for myself, and it got me exactly what I needed. (not only against my parents, but against my brothers aggressive tendencies when I challenge him when needed, which is getting more common as he ages)

Thanks again,

(Check my profile for the original story getting the update if you need it)

OOP's Comment:

What piercings?

Oh, I'm gonna get my angel fangs! My id mysteriously went missing same day of the last appointment that my mum voiced disapproval over (she hates facial piercings) but I'm keeping my ID close to me at all times! (In my phone case lol)

Top Comments:

DannyBaek1996: The fact that it took your brother wearing them down to finally get you a mattress is appalling.

Glad it all got sorted though!

Normal-Height-8577: Yeah, I'm glad that OP managed to figure out a way to work with their brother on this, to get the result they needed. Their parents are awful.