I tell this story to you as it really happened. I still cannot process the events that conspired.

It was a chilly spring morning when Goobert first knocked on my door. Upon hearing a knock at my door, I quickly scrambled to hide my 100,000 terabytes of pirated Disney movies and Nintendo games.

A second knock on the door. A second passed. The door swung open.

"HELLO I AM GOOBERT" the mysterious visitor said.

Before me stood a creature that I had never seen the likes of before. It was half-rat, half-peanut, and completely decked out in pirate attire.

"Hi Goobert, can I get you a glass of sweet tea?" I asked.

"YES I WOULD LIKE A GLASS OF SWEET TEA. I ALSO HATE RONALD REAGAN," Goobert declared.

"Wow, I also hate Ronald Reagan, we must have much in common." I said, putting the kettle on the stove to boil.

Goobert sat down at the kitchen table.

"I must inquire, why are you in my house?" I asked.

"I AM A PIRATE AND AM SEARCHING FOR NEW PIRATED MEDIA, SPECIFICALLY PIRATED DISNEY AND NINTENDO MEDIA. I ALSO AM LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO BUY ILLEGALLY MANUFACTURED MOONSHINE." Goobert replied.

The kettle began to whistle.

TO BE CONTINUED