One day at work, someone locked the storeroom keys in the storeroom. Luckily the network engineer had a set of lockpicks in his car, and knew how to use them. He played it like lockpicks are a perfectly normal thing to carry in your vehicle, but we don't buy it.

Find someone who thinks you're cool because you fell out of several trees and cried at a small ungulate

He's a network engineer, so that's completely normal

Relevant xkcd.

Look all I'm saying is if you didn't work on at least one weird skill during covid you did it wrong

A basic kit from sparrows costs like $20 and it's way easier than most people think

Great skill to have, and not really difficult, just a matter of practice and getting a feel for it. I learned from a neighbor when I was just starting college, after he saw me locked out of the house. He was a tool and die maker, had a nice set of picks he made himself. Still have the small set he gave me in a toolbox somewhere, though haven't used them in over 20 years now so terribly out of practice.

Yeah, I'm feeling kinda called out by this thread... We got locked out of a job-box at work and I didn't have my kit, I was fuming when we had to call a $200 locksmith for a masterlock and I was about to start throwing fists when they said the anti pick bumps "made picking impossible" and drilled through it. I was convinced that they do that with every lock, zero knowledge or experience and just go around raking people over the coals to destroy their property.

I'm a handyman. I don't advertise lock picking as a service I offer due to liability issues. But occasionally a client asked me if I can pick a lock. There have been times where I said okay. This might take between 5 seconds and 30 minutes. And they turn away. And 5 seconds later the lock is picked. Then they start asking all kinds of uncomfortable questions about how they can get better locks.

When a client moves into a new house I usually include changing all the keying for each lock because you have no idea how many people have a key to that house.

When I do a straight change out of all the locks in the house I save all of them and put them in my garage workshop. When I'm cleaning my workshop and I find one of these locks I make a point of picking it.

Never once has any of this resulted in a cute woman (not a girl) being interested in me. Some people have accused me of being a wizard or a boy scout but mostly being able to pick a lock just demonstrates to people how insecure they really are for their safety.

My girlfriend asked what I wanted in a relationship. " I want all the standard stuff of mutual support and what not but I think what I really need is someone that has experience as a personal assistant and a special ed teacher."

She happened to have experience in both of those fields. But I had to break up with her. She was desperately trying to be everything I wanted and that is one thing I can't stand.

Seven years later we got married. She said that breaking up with her was the best thing I could have ever done.

Look all I'm saying is if you didn't work on at least one weird skill during covid you did it wrong

Some of us had to work and didn't get the chance to bake bread and connect with nature, goddarnit!

I've watched too much LPL and feel your rage. But yeah, your typical locksmith doesn't give a shit and is on a schedule. Fastest way into a lock is gonna be drilling it or going around it.

But I had to break up with her.

Seven years later we got married

You're not very good in breaking up, are you?

If you don't have lock picks, handgun with silencer, scuba suit and parachute in your car, you're not prepared when your hero moment arrives.

I need to practice. I got a practice lock but I absolutely suck with it

The worst part is that it was a job-box we were locked out of. There were probably 4 drills and numerous other tools to destroy the lock and get inside.

Yeah, I have a pick, but when I need into a lock what I have is bolt cutters. Sure I'd love to get better and be able to throw open a lock with ease, but when in doubt I don't trust myself enough to buy a padlock that resists bolt cutting.

I will say though, my U lock I got for $15 and accidentally let rust to uselessness took a remarkable amount of effort to bypass. No angle grinding, but it took some serious dremeling and a pair of cheater bars with the cutters

Your loss. I know how to make cheese

I only found myself saddled with a house, a degree a wife and 2 kids. Not sure how some people got off so easy with just a couple of weird skills...

I learned lockpicking at a security conference I attended with my class in college while getting a degree in networking. Lockpicking is one of those things that normies find scary but it's actually a pretty fun and easy skill to pick up. Seriously go buy a $20 kit on Amazon and have some fun!

tried to unlock my tragic backstory

No wait, tell the locksmith to come back.

It's a lot like quitting drinking.

I know how to pick locks for the same reason I know how to solve a Rubik's cube. I like solving puzzles

Was it Defcon? They usually had workshops on picking locks. Those conferences were so fun.

No it was Cyphercon in Milwaukee. Lots of people there also have defcon badges and swag so there's a ton of influence from Defcon at least

Unless this dude looks like a complete troll I’m pretty sure he’s rolling in it with that set of skills…

Hell Im a straight dude and I wanna meet him.

Nice. I've never heard of Cyphercon, and Milwaukee is a lot closer to me. Probably a little too soon for me to manage to make it happen this year, hopefully next year.

In this part of the Pick Your Own Adventure, if you pick the "let the bos unlock you" path, you have to start reading from the back cover to the front because it turns into a manga with no girls in it.

OP is a manic pixi dream something.

If breaking up was the solution and it created long term happiness then I'm going to have to say that I'm an expert at breaking up based on this one case.

But then again there were the other cases. Is a 50% mortality rate good or bad?

Right? I know it's all about making money in the end but just a few minutes of picking might be enough, and if not you can say you tried.

It's hard to describe since it's mostly based on feel. You start by feeling around to build a kind of mental map in your head. Then when you start you're keeping the right amount of pressure on the tension wrench as you mess with each pin. You gotta have a gentle touch and it takes some time to find how much is enough.

MIT has a paper on the process too, I'll see if I can find it and link it here

Yeah I haven't been able to make it since their 4th year. Super inconvenient time of year for me. But the times I have been able to make it it's been a blast. I think Madison now has a new hacker conference too? And there's Thotcon in Chicago too

I want clarification.... Did you fail to break up and just stay together forever.... Or did you split she grew personally and you got back together? Did you grow it all?

Why am I so invested in your story?

We split. She came back a different person, herself. I was in the midst of growing in different ways. Years earlier I had taken a year off work to get basic human interaction skills. At this point that was working through its final stages of changing me at my core. I went from introvert to extrovert. My previous girlfriend said that I went from "trying to avoid starting a cult to trying to avoid starting a religion."

I guess my need for my girlfriend to be an independent self realized person and my complete disdain of people trying to make me a cult leader are directly related to each other.

I like the cut of your job, can I subscribe to your newsletter?

Absolutely not. That's how cults get started.

Username cheks out?

I'll die for you now!

Don't think of it as a cult, think of a support group with people funneling money to you.