https://www.sciencenews.org/article/smart-underwear-human-fart-frequency

Do I smell an ignobel in the wind?

No, the smell you smell is just my counter going up.

Peepee poopoo

Tushay!

I'll see myself out.

loud farting sounds

Finger, toes. My wife's fingers and probably 5 or 6 of her toes. My neighbor's fingers and toes if there were beans in the chili.

Just one finger, it resets on pull.

Not our brainfarts. Checkmate, atheist!

On fingers? Look, some of us need an abacus.

Edit: I also distinctly remember the claim that humans fart 14 times a day on average. Are you telling me this figure was just made up? Without counting the farts with smart underwear?! That’s a travesty. I was spreading misinformation this whole time.

Call me when there is a self-hosted solution.

Technology solving the real problems fr fr

Not a wearable, but I have an air quality monitor hooked up in my office and those usually trigger VOC alerts.

I hope the subscription includes AI chatbot on app answering all my fart related questions

Finally I can unplug the kazoo from my ass.

I possess humans and synchronize it all so no one knows whodunit

“We just genuinely don’t know. Isn’t that funny? [In] 2026 we don’t know if people are farting at night or not.”

That's dumb. Anybody who's married knows that people fart in their sleep, you just can't tell her or she'll get pissed.

This is an art form, people, let's have some respect. The most famous Flatulist, or Fartiste, was Le Petomane, and there is currently a Flatulist named Mr. Methane, who claims to be the only current professional Fartiste, although we all know talented amateurs.

Video of Le Petomane in action

Clearly, comedy has evolved since then.

I know I do because I fart myself awake