uncountable, all i can say is that i just don't view cis men as potential partners anymore

I don't date, so I can't speak from first-person experience.

This isn't the most common issue, but a complaint I've heard that still tumbles around in my head was how few men on the dating scene were into reading books.

Probably the most common issue I hear from others is that all the "good ones" were taken and there are no good single people left to date.

I hear this from both men and women, and it's usually from people in a >25 age range, i.e. ages when most people have already paired up and married and had kids, so the dating pool is either full of "discards" (people who failed to find someone to pair up with at the "appropriate age") or people with a history of failed relationships - in general, the available people are all the people who are not promising relationship material because the "good ones" are already taken.

Abuse. So many people I've dated were abusers. It's absolutely rampant in the trans community.

I am not dating myself, but I hear a lot about dating from my therapy clients. Overall, it seems like there is a real lack of effort and an attitude like people are disposable.

Like, my client will want to have a deep conversation, and the guy will answer with one-word answers then wonder why she doesn’t want to meet.

Or pushing to have sex immediately. I get that sex is great and all, but not everyone is ready after the first date.

And then in young cishet couples I work with, I notice a lack of influence taking on behalf of the man from the woman.

That means he expects her to espouse or at least understand his views without returning the favor.

Sadly I can back this up with my own experiences. Both my current girlfriend and I both went through an abusive relationship with a trans woman in the past year.

I'm a dv outreach worker and I've read a fuckton of research into LGBT DA. It's waaaayyyyy worse than people think it is, and trans+ people suffering it are unsurprisingly far less likely to ask for help. The abuse is often targeted on them being trans as well, verbal comments, outing, destroying chest binders etc... or blaming their behaviour on the effects of their transition. It's really awful

Pushing for sex early can be a red flag they're abusive. Society often dismisses it as "oh well that's men" but it's not

Absolutely - I've seen women called prudes for not wanting to have sex on the first date. Everyone is allowed to have their preference, but there needs to be enthusiastic consent from all parties involved when it comes to sex. Not "fine, I guess I'll do it cause he's pushy, and it seems easier and safer to acquiesce."

Part of the problem is that we don't have many elders in the community to model proper behaviour. They were murdered. Murdered by inaction on the AIDS crisis, by the gay panic defence, by lack of access to healthcare. The average new person in the community is a 20 year old getting advice on proper behaviour from other 20 year olds. Now that's great for validating their gender identity, but it's not so good for teaching respect in a relationship. We've got a bunch of traumatised kids making horrible mistakes and doubling down on them.

Part of the problem is that our true names are often different to our legal names, and we often have relationships online. So in that situation, there's very little the police and the courts can do about abuse. Now, I don't believe the police and courts are an effective way of preventing crime, but they're often the best we have. Which means trans people in online relationships don't face very many consequences for doing crimes. Thus, one of the many causes of the problem.