Fun fact: the United States hasn't signed the international agreement banning child soldiers because the military allows 17-year-olds to enlist (although they don't actually start their service until they're 18).

Buy me dinner before you fuck me.

"Sure! How big is the ICE machine? Oh, you mean that ICE?"

Holy internal hip rotation.

Our bestest ally and only democracy in the Middle East needs wall lickers to usher in their bizarre delusions.

Want to know more?

We have to register for the draft, they have all our info then anyway when we turn 18. When I was a kid Gillette sent you a free razor and Old Spice sent you some deodorant.

Don’t many countries have compulsory service at that age anyway (with educational deferments, which we basically have as well, college tuition differences notwithstanding).

I wonder what the response would be if you said something like: I'm already in the Navy.

Can I drive a Zamboni? Or or .. do I get free icees?

I got a 99 on the asvab (everyone at our school took it) and was getting recruiting calls all the way through my PhD program.

So you have a heartbeat? Please meet me outside

My condolences

"No senpaiii, don't become a doctor we really need bullet sponge infantrymen 👉👈🥺"

I like Wall Lickers, I'm gonna have to remember that one

We're already on all the lists.

incels and military have a lot in common!

I actually wanted to join the military fresh out of high school but I was informed by my recruiter that they don't take autistic people

I meant to say 'not conflate'

Well that's a damn lie but hey, bullets dodged

Incels (like actual incels, not just dudes that hate women having rights) are actually incredibly picky and shallow, that's one of their problems.

I've heard of kids who have had them follow them home from school or even stop them in the middle of the school hallway.

I never had to deal with them, but they apparently can just walk into school in the middle of the day.

People really don't understand just how dystopian the US is and how much of it we take for granted because we grew up in a place where it's normal for elementary students to pledge their undying loyalty to a flag every morning before class starts.

in Russia, they agitate during their studies, promising a diploma) I can already see how such a person who has received a diploma in this way will work well in education.

No lies

i'm certain the military has its share of undiagnosed autists, tho

The recruiter lied. We believe you. But they lied to you.

If you'd have joined then you'd realize your mistake. They just assumed you already had the same sense of humor somehow.

Ironically that's a good recruiter. Anything that looks like fraternizing with potential recruits outside official activities is a huge no no.

I turned 18 in basic training. You can ship to basic while you're 17. And then go to a unit. You are not deployable to a contingency zone (the widest definition of "place you could be injured by enemy fire") until you're 18.

Later on we got a private who actually made it all the way to the unit and had to wait until his 18th birthday to join us on deployment.

There are medical waivers that are almost always granted if you're willing and able to ask in the first place.

It was during DADT and I wasn't joking. Though since then I have met more gay marines than any other branch (I guess if you want to prove your manliness to the world...).

Wish I knew that back then. Can't sign up for the military now. Trans, and now I have a medical history of suicidal ideation.

Soooooo, at what day do you get your own grenades?

Shit tons. Mostly in the nerdier jobs.

You don't know what Incel means, do you?

You can't be picky and shallow while also complaining you're Involuntary celibate.

That's like saying someone who's unemployed complaining they can't find a job because they haven't applied to any.

"Fuck.... I'm sorry. I'm so... so so sorry."

That reply alone should’ve been the end of the conversation 😭

Sooner than you'd think.

One of my favorite Marx brothers one-liners was always, "Join the Army! See the Navy."

The joke about incels is that they'll blow up your phone with red flags, then freak out if they get anywhere near first base.

"More like the Gay-vy, amirite? But seriously, just come in and talk. I need at least three other people to fill out a form or they send me to the front."

The bar has been low for at least 30 years.

It was comically easy to get enlisted during Korea if you were under 18. You could just walk up to the office and lie. They'd take you.

And they'll remove the shipping pin for you before handing it over.

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, kill them

Yeah. The humor in the military back then and now is best described as "It's not gay if you say no homo!" And yet somehow also very homophobic. (Less so now than when I was in the army) It wouldn't be hard at all to find a private flirting as a joke.

I only need one

It's a loss to their logistics supply corps.

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but that's part of the problem. They complain a lot but refuse to either fix their own baggage that makes them unattractive or refuse to lower their own standards... It's EXACTLY like someone complaining about not finding a job, while not applying.

i wouldn't go to said meal. like, having an awkward 1.5 hours with somebody that you don't like? do you know how stressful that is? have you ever been stuck on a bad date?

maybe one of the best things to say in these cases is "i don't suck dick, i bite"

like it gets a certain point across just fine. namely that if they try to intimidate you that's not gonna go good for them.

Same, but my out was a sleep disorder that I grew out of about 5 years prior, before I finished middle school.

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, kill them clean toilets for 4 years.