The Grok AI nanny will take care of them.

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent, and I will never have biological children of my own.

You weren't born learning to read or write either.

It's a combination of education from people around you, other sources such as books or the internet, and experts like their pediatrician, and a lot of figuring it out as you go along. There's no one right way to parent, but there are a lot of wrong ways to parent.

The duality of Man.

You can obviously read, you posted this. Maybe that could open some doors.

Provided you don't live in squalor, keeping most children alive isn't that hard and most of it is quite intuitive. The harder part typically is making sure they don't turn into assholes. Most people vibe that as well.

Also, there is no shortage of random people giving you often unsolicited advice, especially if you're expecting your first kid. You can make up for the lack of direct experience with shared knowledge from others.

Can't read, only write.

You’ll run into a nasty recursion error if you think about that too much. My parents didn’t remember how they were raised when they raised me. And so on.

It turns out no one knows anything, it’s all fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants bullshit, and the people you should trust the least are the ones who claim to know anything about anything.

I remember plenty. Do not pretend to speak for everyone. My parents were and are stupid bigots. Do not pretend I will perpetuate such ignorant beliefs.

I am a parent, and you are correct. I just fuckin' wing it.

The harder part typically is making sure they don’t turn into assholes

Unfortunately, the failure rate on this is quite high. Especially if the parents are also assholes.

Don't be an Anti-vax bitch! Got it‽

It’s tough to break that cycle. And even if you think you’re not an asshole there’s a good chance that your kids will think you are one.

Ideally they change their minds eventually.

By existing in a state of anything from mild anxiety to outright panic about the welfare of the squidgy crying thing, googling anything that seems abnormal and learning they usually cry about 4 things:
Hungry
Temperature is wrong
Nappy
Tired

Try them all until you figure out what cry means what.

I think as far as you can attribute the assholery to the parental home, it's pretty much a bell curve distribution. Most people turn out well most of the time. And the edge cases just stand out more in our perception.

My initial post wasn't meant to be the definitive comment on the subject. We mustn't forget that it isn't just the parents that have a hand in this. The environment where you grew up has an influence as well. And it is my observation that a culture that rewards individual achievements more than any effort towards the collective good will naturally create more assholes.

There are more and better resources now than ever to learn about raising a children. I was spanked and I'd imagine most people before me for spanked. Before that you cut a switch and we're essentially lashed. Those practices are now considered wrong with one being literal legal child abuse. Things like positive reinforcement, physical contact, and just love are shown to raise much better people. As far as nursing, diapers, and all that jazz, there's endless options to read about and experts to consult with. I'm sure you remember some of your childhood and some of the events that you now know were good and bad. Use that knowledge as well. Nobody was born with all of the knowledge, use the support around to gain it.

Kids raise themselves more than we give them credit for. Don't be an asshole or abusive and set a good example even when you want to be lazy or rant or whatever cathartic but inappropriate behavior to which you might be predisposed.

I've lectured until the cows come home. I've yelled. I've patiently explained — none of that really matters. But every once in a while they will come and ask you a question. That is them acknowledging your experience or wisdom. Those are the moments you get to choose how they approach things. And even then it's maybe 1 time in 50 anything sinks in.

I have five kids. Sometimes they amaze me with who they are. Other times they are all growing and figuring things out. Same as me.

Your comment is now shown in between thoose two comments for me

"You don't have to raise kids, they grow by themselves. They just need love and support."

Quote from my aunt, who successfully let 3 kids grow. (They turned out great)

Watching my wife become a mother was one of the more unexpected exclusive in my life. Instinct is a hell of a thing.

...if you know what I mean.

Part of it is an instinct. All mammals, including humans, have evolved to be at least somewhat competent at raising offspring because those that weren't had an obvious evolutionary disadvantage. Think of how other animals do it; if they can do that, why wouldn't you?

But it's a skill like any other, you can read books or watch videos or attend courses about it, or you can ask people who've successfully done it before (such as your parents).

Get them an ipad and a netflix account.
Some DVDs and a backup generator if you're worried about power grid or network resilience.

Your own parents were in the exact same situation. And their parents. And theirs..

I can remember how my parents raised me, and I'm going out of my way to not do it like that.

The same way they did.
Just give your best and try to not repeat the worst offenders.

Objectively yes, my parents aren't well educated and they are also bigots.

That said, they did their best to raise me, within the confines of the social norms at the time.

Barring any issues with a kid outside of a parent’s control, this is what one should hope for a kid:

Top of the list: Love, safety, food, etc., the basics, and a lack of judgement for *personality or other orientation. That’s 90% of it.

Teach your kid right from wrong not by command or dogma, but by example.

Teach your kid how to learn, and teach them directly as needed.

*I don’t have the vocabulary in my head, but the gist I’m after is not trying to cram a kid into your mold. Sexual orientation-wise, how they dress, what jobs or careers are acceptable, sports… Let them be who they are as long as there’s no harm.

Becoming a parent you need to learn these things if you didn’t have a strong base from your own life to draw from. Some of us have a daily uphill battle to right the wrongs of the past. All of us will commit wrongs of our own, just gotta hope you can admit to them and fix your waya.

This is one of the things I don't understand about west, Grandparents and family are a big part of raising children in Asia. Anyone with their first baby will be confused, and won't know what to do if they have never done it before.

How it works in Asia (at least my culture),

• Grandparents teach and take care of baby, letting the mother rest and breastfeed. They have seen and gone through multiple baby raising themselves,
• other siblings help, even younger siblings, that means when it's their turn they also have some idea and experience on the matter,
• you also help with cousins and other people occasionally, so even the eldest children have some experience with babies,
• many communities have volunteers that help with new moms on new suggestions from government. Like when we changed from carrying baby on the back, to carrying them in the front for warmth and safety. So this balances tradition with new knowledge on what is best.

This is the knowledge transfer part. There is the whole part where this support means a lot for recovering mothers.