So, me, (22F), my fiancée Aiko (monogamous but supports me, 23F) and my boyfriend Will (23NB but he/they pronouns) are all in an open relationship. Will is also dating this guy Dave (26M) for 2 months, while we have been dating for like 4 months. We are seeing how it goes, but I have one problem.

While I get that Dave is new to him and all that, they always sleep over, play video games, etc. and Will never invites me to do that stuff with him, only Dave and Will invite each other. It's a good thing I have Aiko to do that stuff with, but I mean, come on. I wanna spend time with Will too.

And I've even told him that and how I don't like how he leaves me on "delivered" or "seen" for hours, and he just says "Oh, sorry!" or "I'm just busy" or "I'm just depressed", so then I don't bring it up again because he has a reason to do so and I feel petty.

Here's the thing: He's usually doing this, and he doesn't do this often to Dave, just me. He always spams Dave and freaks out when he doesn't respond, and while Will likes me, he couldn't care less if I responded to him or not.

He says because Dave has been treating him badly, that he's done with men, but he clearly likes men more or at least Dave more than me.

And I also realize that not everyone's on their phone at every minute, but on the other hand, he barely responds, so he'll leave me on read and not respond every day for hours.

No. I’m sorry to be like every Redditor when I’m not on Reddit but if he’s not meeting your needs, you should probably break up. He can clearly only handle one partner :(

All of the posts sound like a lot of emotional drama. Dave is depressed and doesn't answer Will's advances. Now Will is depressed and doesn't answer your texts... Maybe make sure you're now not the next person in line to continue that trend and neglect your connection to Aiko.

You're right, I'll make sure I don't. However, I must say he's been doing this even when Dave would answer his advances and spend time with him, he's just very emotionally invested in Will yet not me.

Sounds like Will is either waiting for you to "take the hint" and move on so he doesn't have to be the one to end it or wants to keep you around as a backup in case things don't work out with Dave. Whatever his intentions, he is clearly not prioritizing your relationship, which begs the question do you really want to be with someone who doesn't consider you to be a priority in his life?

You're right. He always says I help him though and that I'm a good girlfriend, so IDK. Maybe I am just a backup to him. I'm very afraid of making him sadder/angry though, I wish I wasn't.

It sounds like you aren't happy so that should be all you really need to know. You're not getting what you want out of the situation. Remove whatever pieces are the problem is what I would suggest.
This sounds like a mess honestly. No offense intended if this is the type of situation that you want. Sounds way too complicated and emotionally stressful for an old person like myself.

Thanks, it's just poly stuff that's more common with young people. It would've been fine if he spent at least a bit more time with me and responded to my texts like he did when we were just friends but oh well.

The lack of attention is something I have seen mentioned in a lot of poly conversations. Seems like someone is always getting neglected because there's just too much division of time. I wish you the best and remember that your wants and needs are important in any relationship you get into.

Yeahhh, some people have made it work, others not. I just wish he'd pay more attention to me at least a bit, but later I feel bad because he says he's either depressed or too busy or he's spending time with Dave. He's entirely devoted to that man.

Sounds like he's not made you a priority and that his priorities are clear. You're young so best to move forward and find what you need.

Thanks. I will probably break up if he doesn't stop, but then he kisses me and acts attentive when he sees me (barely)

That's a trap/cycle that is easy to fall into. It sounds like you're aware though. If you need both the virtual when you are apart and the physical when you are together, be absolutely clear in that to him. If he can't do both, then it's time to move on. Sounds like you have one supportive and attentive partner regardless of what happens with the one that doesn't respond to you.

Yeah, you're right. I will try to tell him again if he listens and tell him the full thing on how I feel but I'm afraid he'll be angry at me. My friend is convinced he's perfect for me and that he absolutely loves me (she's an eternal optimist)

Is your friend that thinks he's perfect for you involved in any other way? Is she witness to your interactions? You're welcome to message me to continue the conversation if you'd like. Or not, just giving the option if you don't want to put additional information publicly.

Hmm, not really, she just knows from what I've mentioned.

Seems odd that she would have strong positive opinions if you aren't having a positive experience. Why are you afraid that he'll be angry?

Yeah, she’s just very optimistic. She’s younger than me, she just turned 18. Also, IDK i’m just afraid he’s gonna snap due to having too much on his mind/plate and his depression

I think that's a really solid reason to get away from him if you're actually afraid of him or what he might do if something upsets him. That's not even close to a healthy relationship. Based on that, I think I'd change my recommendation to be just end things ASAP.

Thanks. He’s not an angry guy but i’ve had a bad past

I’m very afraid

Angst, anxiety, and fear aren't good foundations for a relationship. Please prioritize yourself sometimes, or at least try to care for yourself as much as you care for him.

We broke up a WHILE ago. Thank you so much, though :D He kinda did suck, I won't lie.

Haha didn't look at the date. Glad you made the right decision.

All good! Thank you :)