Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1rc8g8e/my_parents_changed_their_plans_and_are_ruining_my/

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2026-02-23 05:04:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Lillian_Faye

Originally posted to r/entitledparents + r/dogpictures

My parents changed their plans and are ruining my birthday

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: entitlement, manipulation, neglect, animal abandonment

Original Post: February 14, 2026

For context, I turn 21 on Monday. I go to university, but I came home for the weekend/Monday both because it’s my birthday and because my parents were going to be out of town. My mom wanted to go somewhere for Valentine’s Day, and they were also going to be gone on my birthday. They wanted me to babysit my little brother and our dog, which I was fine with. I was honestly relieved they wouldn’t be around, since the relationship between my mom and I is…testy. She’s ruined a couple of my birthdays before, both over my brother. She yelled at me on my 16th birthday for not being happy enough because it was ruining the day for my brother. She also yelled at me on my 20th because I wanted to have a private dinner with my parents and she wanted to bring my brother.

I was glad she wasn’t going to be around, and I started making plans to celebrate my birthday as I wanted. I was going to walk dogs at the local shelter because the weather is supposed to be fantastic and I love the dogs. I didn’t want cake, so my sister and I were going to go to an Asian bakery to get some red bean mochi (my favorite) and try these good-looking matcha lattes. I was also going to go into the city with my best friend and check out some cool thrift stores, and maybe try alcohol for the first time (my mom would NEVER allow it).

My parents were supposed to leave Thursday night. But my mom changed her mind on Monday and decided that an exotic trip would be too expensive (they just bought a 9k hot tub because my mom was jealous of one that my dad’s friend had) and they went to a pro game in a nearby city instead. They’re just going to be gone for a night. We’re already off to a bad start…my mom ignored that I want mochi and bought a cake, which is nice, but it’s a kind I don’t like (I got really sick after eating it once) and both her and my sister can’t eat gluten, plus my dad and brother don’t like it that much either since it has coffee in it. So it’s a cake that no one can eat or no one likes. Yay.

We had another bad incident earlier because I walked dogs after work as I’d promised to do two weeks ago, thinking my parents would be out of town and my brother and dog would be watched by my aunt. I even double-checked with my aunt to make sure that she was fine with this. My parents got wind and were pissed. I got 3 angry phone calls and 1 text from Mom saying that I am too old to be this irresponsible (leaving my brother and dog with my aunt) and to realize that my actions affect other people. Which, yeah, I guess I could have called my parents first. But they don’t like that I volunteer at this shelter; my mom especially thinks that I care too much about these dogs. If they had it their way, they wouldn’t want me at the shelter ever again.

Then this evening I got a series of texts from my mom and my sister. Mom and Dad might go to a church in this city they’re at now…because this homesteader-Ruby Franke-esque YouTuber goes there and my mom is OBSESSED with her. Like, she wants our house to look like hers, and she wants to see this lady. Which, I mean, whatever floats her boat. But she wants my sister and I to stay home and babysit our brother and dog, and not to leave until she and Dad get back. Tomorrow is the day we were going to go to the Asian bakery to get our mochi. We can’t go in the afternoon because my sister has to go back to her Uni town. We have told Mom this. She just forgot, I guess.

So am I right to be upset about this entire situation? I can’t celebrate my birthday like I’d planned and I’m being expected to prioritize my brother above my birthday. Am I selfish for thinking this is wrong? AIO for being upset?

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: LEAVE 😓.

Your mom blatantly ruins your birthday every year, leave now go permanent no contact, block her and anyone else that's not on your side from your phone and social medias.

Have a fun day to yourself have a great birthday also 🎁🍷.

Save your mental health for her ridiculousness

OOP: Thank you :) and unfortunately that is nöt going to be very easy, I am on my family’s auto and health insurance and they support me financially. When I am done with school and can live independently I will limit my contact.

Commenter 2: Just out of curiosity, how old is your brother? If you're 21, does he really need a babysitter? I'd suggest your parents hire one for him or let him hang out at a friend's house.

OOP: He is 17. He is on the autism spectrum and functions at about the level of a 10-year-old. He does know how to make food and take care of himself, but he definitely can’t be left by himself for an entire weekend.

Commenter 3: Your mother will always put your brother and herself first, even if it ruins your birthday. You need to say to her "I have plans for MY birthday and I will not change them. I will be leaving at x time. You need to get a sitter or be home. They are your choices. I will not babysit and will leave him home alone if need be. I will not be looking after YOUR child"

From now on, avoid any birthday with or near them.

Commenter 4: When it comes to your birthday, you have EVERY right to be selfish. It’s YOUR day. You only turn 21 once. You’re allowed to do whatever YOU want. I’m sorry your egg donor is making it about her vs you. I’d personally go no contact for a long time. Burn bridges where you need to. Protect your peace. The older you get the more you’ll understand. Happy Birthday, I hope you get to do what you want 🫂

Update: February 16, 2026 (two days later)

Update: My parents are changing their plans and are ruining my birthday

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my last post! I really appreciated it and I can’t thank you enough for your support. Today was my birthday, so I figured I’d just write a bit and say what all went down.

My plans changed slightly, as things with my friend fell through last-minute. But instead of telling my parents this, I went to the animal shelter (that they don’t like me going to) and walked dogs there for a couple of hours. Then, when I was on my way to leave the shelter and get my birthday drink from Starbucks, I heard this little beagle whimpering and I asked the staff if I could take him with me. So I did. I got my drink, he got a pup cup, and I walked him for a mile out in this backroads area. He had a blast. Then we went to another coffee shop for another birthday drink, got another pup cup, and went for another walk. He had his head in my lap on the way back to the shelter. I felt so happy.

After that, I went and got a third drink from a third coffee shop (yay free drinks!) and then went and visited the same aunt who babysat my brother. We went for a hike and watched the Olympics. I did get an angry text from my mom, as she had found out that I wasn’t with my friend and was upset that I hadn’t told her what my new plans were. I just ignored it. Then my dad texted and asked if I could come home, as my mom wanted to see me. I made it home about 7:30.

Mom wasn’t too happy, but she was definitely trying to keep it subtle. She didn’t greet me and was very pointed with her questions. She wasn’t happy that I hadn’t told her earlier about my plans falling through, because she would have taken me out to lunch. I did not want her to take me out to lunch (I didn’t tell her that). She also didn’t seem happy that I spent the day at the shelter. But she didn’t yell at me, which I’ll take. I watched some more Olympics with her and then got ready for bed. She and I then got on the subject of coffee (my sister and I go out for coffee once a week, sometimes I pay for both of our drinks) and she got upset that sometimes I pay for both of us. It started with her saying that I shouldn’t pay when I’m the only one who drives us places (which is true, I’ll admit) but then turned into her talking about my future medical school and how I’m going to be in debt and how coffee adds up in the long term and it’s going to make me broke. She then got mad at my dad for saying that my sister and I could discuss our coffee arrangements like the adults we are. She said loudly that Dad’s a coward who avoids confrontation when he went into the other room, then got upset with me when I said that was better than him being like one of the husbands on her reality shows. I was getting sick and tired of things so I just eventually told her that I would talk to my sister and we would pay for our own drinks all of the time from there on out. She didn’t seem too satisfied, but she didn’t push things. I’m just worried now that she will get mad at my sister, who will get mad at me for telling Mom that I’ve bought her drinks sometimes, and…yeah, it’s a whole thing.

Does this all make sense? My aunt bought me my fi...

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Does this all make sense? My aunt bought me my first-ever drink tonight, and I’ve been straight as an arrow my entire life, so I am feeling slightly out of sorts. Nothing too bad, just very drowsy (although that might be a bit of a placebo effect too, I don’t know). But I feel like I’m rambling here. Point is: Mom’s been a bit difficult, but I had a great day regardless. I spent my day the way I wanted and got out of most confrontations. I’ll take it! Thanks again to everyone for your support!

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Fam. You need to move asap. Your mom is going to try and rule your life. Flee. Flee dear hobbit. Or forever be under the watchful eye of Your mom. Which rhymes with saroun. And they don't seem to be much different.

OOP: Trust me, I am. I’ve studied a foreign language and my hope is to get accepted into medical school in that country, meet a guy and get married (or get citizenship through hard work and merit, which might be wiser but a lot harder). And basically be a world away from the Eye Of Sauron. But it might be a childish fancy.

Commenter 2: Sounds like you made the best of your day despite the drama walking pups and grabbing coffee sounds adorable and peaceful! Good on you for sticking to what made you happy.

Commenter 3: I’m baffled at the way your mother behaves. If you want to treat your sister to a coffee once in a while, it’s none of her business.

Maybe, given that you are now 21, you could start practicing saying things like, “Thanks for the advice Mom. I’ll take it under advisement.”

When she gets used to that non responsive response, you can change it to, “I appreciate that you are concerned, but I’m an adult, and if I make a poor decision, I’ll deal with it.”

I’m trying to picture myself getting involved in the minutiae of my kids’ finances at 21. If they asked for advice, and they sometimes did, I gave it. But otherwise, I gave them the benefit of believing that they could figure it out.

No family? No problem!: February 16, 2026 (same day, two hours later)

Today was my birthday. I did not want to spend it with my family. My family is messed up. My mom is either mentally unstable or just plain awful, I’m not sure which. She‘s ruined several birthdays past. I couldn‘t let her ruin this one. So I did what anyone might do and ran away to the animal shelter to walk dogs.

This is Story. The shelter calls him Ares, but he only responds to Story (his name before he came to the shelter). He’s about two years old and a beagle mix. He’s been at the shelter a little less than a year. His owner was evicted from their house and let him loose in the streets. He was found and brought to the shelter. The old owner reached out to the shelter and told them the story of Story. Said old owner would come and visit Story once a week until, for whatever reason or another, he stopped.

This dog is quite the critter. He doesn‘t do any tricks or respond to requests when he‘s called Ares. But if you call him Story, he‘ll obey your every command. He loves other dogs and whimpers whenever he‘s not allowed to go over and play (even if the other dog is a ninety-five pound staffy). He is a perfect hunting dog and practices his death shake on any scrap of cloth he can find—whether that is a blanket, his leash, or my favorite sweater‘s sleeve 🥲. He attempts to hunt any small animal…be that a squirrel, ferret, rabbit, snake, mouse, or cat. He is distraught when he is not allowed to kill them. He would make the perfect hunter, I‘ll say that much.

But as I was about to leave the shelter today, Story saw me and started to whimper. He looked so miserable that I couldn‘t just leave him. So I took him with me. First we got my birthday drink from Starbucks and a pup cup for Story. Then I took him up to some old pasture outside of town and ran through it with him. We then went to another coffee shop to get another free drink and another pup cup, and went on another walk in town. Oh, he had a ball. He dug through an old badger den, tried running into a culvert, had to be dragged away from a muddy creek, rolled around in dead grass, tried hunting a rabbit, found a dead snake, splashed around in some puddles, and ran until he had no energy left. His tail never stopped wagging. And on the drive back to the shelter, he put his head on my lap and smiled up at me. I think that was the happiest I‘d felt all day.

And so, I was able to have a wonderful, happy, and peaceful birthday, thanks in no small part to Story. Who needs family when I have Story?

Editor's note: OOP has attached the dog tax.

Dog tax

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Seen this before. Parent doesnt want to deal with special needs child and offloads them onto normal child. But this seems more aggressive almost like she hates op for finding alternative solutions.