This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/BigONerd on 2026-02-22 15:40:52+00:00.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/EquipmentTurbulent67

Published on: r/Marriage

Trigger Warning: infidelity, harassment/stalking behavior, emotional abuse

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 23, 2023
• Final Update: July 25, 2023

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Main Post

July 23, 2023

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My wife cannot get over the fact that my ex-wife is marrying a millionaire.

Throwaway

I don’t know what gotten into my wife. When we met I was still married to my ex-wife. I’m not proud about it but my wife started at our job and we slept together after a party. This was about 6 years ago.

My ex found out when she saw nudes on my phone. It broke her and ended our marriage. I married my wife a year later. Everything was fine and my children gradually forgiven me and much of it was thanks to my ex who insisted that I was still their father and that I loved my children. They never liked my wife however because they’ve overheard her (my daughter did) talking badly about how fat and old their mother was and how she was no competition.

Now my ex is happily engaged to a man who is very well off. My wife was depressed ever since she heard that. Making comments about what he sees in her and how it wouldn’t last. She has googled everything about him. His networth, property, social media accounts and she doesn’t stop talking about him.

I got very wary and this last week she’s been extra depressed and angry. Not sleeping and she cried several times. When she was finally taking a nap I took her phone and saw that she has sent the new fiancé some flirtatious texts via instagram and even one nude. He only answered the first dms when she introduced herself, congratulated him about the engagement and told him that they were basically a family soon. When she was getting more flirtatious he stopped answering and her dms were left on seen. This was last week. The pictures.

I called my ex-wife and she confirmed that her fiancé has been receiving these texts and they were embarrassed and unsure what to do so they ignored her.

I confronted my wife and she became very angry, saying that I have embarrassed her by talking to my ex. She was crying when I told her that my ex was the one who suggested that they just ignore her and not say anything (isn’t that better for her?)

She admitted that she sent these but it was just because she felt my ex was a b i t c…. that didn’t deserve a fiancé like hers with lots of money. My ex wife would be living in a 19th century “penthouse” . She also told me that I was the one who driven her to this since she never felt she’s won me completely. That I married her after my divorce was a fact. I made her insecure.

I don’t understand. I thought we were happy. That she was happy. She always told me how she loved me. I feel guilty like I have made her miserable and drove her to be this insecure but at the same time I’m very pissed.

COMMENTS

OOP

I don’t know if I need to put ages or if it i irrelevant

I’m 41 Wife 33 Ex wife 43 Fiancé 40-45 (not sure)

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Kittytigris

So your mistress is upset that she bet on the wrong horse and has serious regrets?

I’d re-examined the entire relationship once I find that she’d DMed the new fiancé with nudes. Honestly, I’d probably tell her to pack up and leave and then apologized to my ex wife for her behavior and wish my ex well.

OOP

She swore that she wasn’t interested in him. Just that she felt that my ex wasn’t worth what she’s getting and that she (ex) has been smug and arrogant about it so my wife thought she wanted to give her a wake up call.

Her words

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not_ob-liv-ious

I think it’s very disturbing behavior that she helped to breakup one marriage of this woman, and tried to breakup a 2nd relationship of this woman. There is definitely deep seeded obsession and jealousy….as if she is in competition. Bad talking your ex is also a sign of this.

I give your ex so much credit in the way she has handled your divorce and being able to help your relationship with your kids flourish…..many woman in her shoes would find this very difficult. But also to have the presence of mind and the grace to ignore the same woman who helped destroy her marriage because she doesn’t want to cause issues and embarrassment?

Your ex is a saint and I hope you appreciate her.

Your wife needs help and if I were you I would really think hard if she is actually a healthy partner for you. I mean, your kids don’t like her, and that’s got to be tense for you, she trash talks your ex, that’s got to be difficult to deal with AND she basically attempted to cheat on you in a sick and twisted attempt to hurt your ex.

OOP

I know that my ex is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. Both inside and out. I don’t understand why my wife hates her. She never once blamed my wife for anything and she was really helpful in making my family and friends not to shun me and my wife. And as I said it is thanks to her I still have the love of my children.

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braith_rose

This is exactly what cheating gets you. Choosing short term validation and orgasams over (real) love, emotional labor, patience, and grace. Unless you realize why marrying her was a mistake, you're doomed to repeat this. Unless your only goal was to save face once you realized you took a nasty dump all over your first marriage. The reason she's turned into a banshee is because she wasn't with you out of agape, or real deep love. She was with you because it made her feel better about herself. Women who play these games will always be looking for outside sources of validation to fill the hole where their self esteem should be. Otherwise they wouldn't be fighting over sloppy seconds and 'prizes'. They are called pick-mes and have warped self esteem. They make reactionary choices for cheap validation and kibbles instead of retrospecting on what would really make them happy. Being 'above' your first wife was really important to her, and now that fantasy bubble has popped because she found out she disgraced herself for an average guy. You made this bed.

OOP

I admit it was to save face. Marrying my wife. That’s why I feel guilty now and not just outright pissed. I still love my ex and even though I’m happy she is happy again. I regret what I did every day. I think my wife knows this. That’s why I’m not as pissed as I should be

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generic230

Your problem is that you’re a poor decision maker. You won’t really be able to fix any of this until you understand WHY you make such poor decisions because frankly, marrying the woman you had an affair with only 1 year after your divorce tells me you didn’t properly examine your motives that led to this whole mess.

OOP

When it came out what I did nobody wanted to have anything to do with me, but for my wife who was there. So we got married. I probably wanted to save face and for it not to be meaningless. Not to have cheated on someone I loved for nothing.

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JM_Flynn

I hope you didn't have children with this person. She's obsessed with your ex. Did they have a relationship prior to your affair? She's absolutely fixated.

OOP

No she only met my ex a couple of times before the affair. You think she chose me because of my ex? Because my ex was very well liked in my office amongst my closest colleagues.

We don’t have children

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Final Update - after 2 days

July 25, 2023

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Hi everyone this is an update about my situation

We are getting divorced. I have had multiple conversations with my wife about what she did but unfortunately she doesn’t seem to see how bad it is what she done. She says that she never was interested in my ex’s fiancé and just wanted to make a point (to herself more than to anyone) and that she still believes she could take him if she wanted. She doesn’t consider what she did cheating. It was a “test”

She said that if she really didn’t love me she would have left long time ago because she can get whoever she wants. I was speechless hearing her rage and cry. But I was done.

We don’t have children and we have very few joint assets to divide. She will stay in the house until she can find a place to go but then we are done. She is raging and calling me all sorts but I guess I’m just so very tired and done now

Thanks for the wake up call. I know I’m a shitty person but maybe it is time for me to stop punishing myself for what I did. My wife was my constant reminder of the damage I done and maybe deep down I knew she was a bad person but I felt that I didn’t deserve bet...

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Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1rboyq1/my_wife_cannot_get_over_the_fact_that_my_exwife/

Thanks for the wake up call. I know I’m a shitty person but maybe it is time for me to stop punishing myself for what I did. My wife was my constant reminder of the damage I done and maybe deep down I knew she was a bad person but I felt that I didn’t deserve better because I’m a bad person too, worse even. But maybe enough is enough and I need to stop punishing myself. I have two wonderful children so maybe I’m not just bad.

For any legal advice: remember I’m not from wherever you come from and I’m not disclosing my identity or location. So please don’t bother me with legal advice.

COMMENTS

smooner1993

Your wife’s response makes me wonder if she knew your wife prior to “meeting” you. Kind of on the level of the show “You”. I worry about your ex-wife’s safety with the comments regarding “I can steal him if I want to”. She orchestrated your relationship from the start and was focused on destroying your wife at the time OR she realized she gets some weird ego/power boost from “stealing” married men and now she’s jealous of your ex because she didn’t “win”. I would notify your ex wife so she can place an OFP (order for protection) just in case.

OOP

No I don’t think my wife knew my ex wife. Her obsession started afterwards and my guess is because she never got a reaction from my ex who handled the situation maturely. Even her remarks about my ex’s looks are some sort of ego boost since everyone knows that my ex is very physically beautiful and it hurt my wife very much to hear gossip about me trading down. I don’t know if I did enough to make my wife feel better either so her obsession may lie with me too not only my wife. But I can’t stay anymore even if I admit that I’m not a good person.

Foolish5678

I hope your ex wife finally finds some peace from this woman

Not enough she ruined her life once, had to try again for funsies again.... just to prove it to herself.

OOP

She is doing fine and she’s very happy with her life.

Quick-Store2989

Your wife seems unhinged and may try something with your ex and her new fiancé to prove she’s better. I would give them a heads up so if they need to get a restraining order. She seems slightly obsessed with hurting your ex for some reason which is super weird.

OOP

They have blocked her on all sm. My wife was hysterical and demanded to know what I have told them but I think she is just embarrassed now and want it to go away. Also she wants to save our marriage.

nighthouse_666

Good luck. But please don’t try to get back with your ex. She deserves better. Sorry.

OOP

Yeah it wont happen

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Talk about miss steal yo man. Op 2nd wife is doing everything out of spite of 1st wife. Glad to see op run from that.