sudo asahi-bless

Hmm...splashing around holy water in the server room, what could possibly go wrong? 😬

Nowadays you can use systemd-exorcise for this: exorcisectl --denomination INSERT_YOUR_RELIGION_IDENTIFIER. Please note that some denomination options will automatically withdraw 10% of your yearly income from your bank account as a tithe, and if that fails it will send your server to hell or whatever equivalent you believe in. The command is a no-op for atheists.

Blessing away the French language ...

systemctl daemon-reload
Checkmate.

Plot twist, that broom is made of real plant roots

Well, to be fair, it probably will stop the daemon running if he aims it right.

the one guy on payroll who was there when the whole system was built that you've never seen, but always have heard about

It wouldn't be my first time literally praying and asking for blessings before a project.

The power of sudo compels you!

probably wont do much unless he throws a whole bucket

In computing and house maintenance I have learned an important thing: the tiniest amount of water in the wrong place can wreak absolute havoc.

This is clearly an old image. The new priests expel the demons with systemd

So you get out your VHS camcorder from the 1980s and follow him into the server room along with your friend who is auditioning for a U2 cover band after work.

May admin rebuke you

“These servers ain’t no good I tells ya!”

WHACK

Gesundheit

coincidentally, i have had the exact opposite experience: water was onky ever a problem if it was tgere for a long time, and in large amounts

systemd priests be like:

homectl show -j | \
  jq -r ".[].userName as $u | \
       .birthDate as $b | \
       select($b < \"$(date -d '18 years ago' +'%Y-%m-%d')\") | \
       $u"

He's performing the Benediction of the Omnissiah

You shall not pass... into the world of systemd!

I struggle with the idea of someone smart enough to wire a server room being gullible enough to want to "bless" the hardware

You don't sacrifice chickens to keep your DNS gods happy?

If it doesn't work it's harmless. If it does work, you're out a little water, a few minutes for a ceremony, and might just save untold weekend and evening hours for everyone.

I don't think people engaging in things like this are necessarily "gullible." Things for "good luck" (sort of lumping a lot of stuff there since some might view a blessing and luck differently) are a lot about the tradition and ceremony of it. Sometimes it's just fun to do things. Like breaking a bottle on the side of a new ship.

But you also might end up in hell if it's the wrong religion.

‘God of All Machines, today you have judged your servants worthy of your Great Work,’ said Kotov, letting his voice carry over the entire command deck. ‘And for this we give thanks. Glory to the Omnissiah!’

Ironically the grim dark might feel like an upgrade from this timeline