I think a lot, and I think about a lot of things. This is a good thing, I reckon, but I do end up reaching some less than great conclusions, oftentimes.

You know, I used to joke that I could see the future.

Anyway, today, I was thinking, and I found myself thinking that someone was bad. Or, well, not quite, maybe, but I was almost overwhelmed by negative feelings towards someone for something very minor, but that I thought was really annoying. I think I may have some anger issues, though I do keep them under control! I guess if I keep them under control they're not really anger issues, actually? I'm not sure. Regardless, I basically just turned off my emotions in that moment.

It really felt like turning off a switch.

And then I thought about what really happened. Which was, effectively, nothing, by the way! As a matter of fact, upon thinking further on the subject, I came to the conclusion that the person behaved appropriately, and perhaps even more appropriately than many of the people around us.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. On one hand, I think it's not great that I even thought such silly, angry thoughts; on the other, I recognise that it's good that I have the capacity and will to process things and look at situations evenly, hopefully fairly.

Overall, I think it was good.

Isn't it so silly when it rains suddenly? It did, this afternoon. It's so funny, actually, how, one moment, nobody has an umbrella, maybe you even see a bunch of people in t-shirts and shorts; then, everyone's wearing gabardines and umbrellas, as it's pouring outside. It's crazy! I can think of reasons for this phenomenon, and I do think it's a phenomenon, at least partly and sometimes, but I don't think it's really worth discussing. It's just a funny thing that happens, and, honestly, I think it's best enjoyed sporadically, spontaneously, and with a light-hearted, silly demeanour. Analysis doesn't spoil anything, but it does bring things into focus that may look fine when they're a little blurry.

I find myself frustrated by a lot of things. It really upsets me that people don't think like I do. Of course, if everyone was like me, Earth would be a utopia (said everyone ever?)... But the frustration remains. Well, there is also the benefit of experiencing other people, reading what they think, talking to them about what they think, and honing your ideas against their judgement. That one's pretty big.

Still, the lack of utopia upsets me deeply.

Then, I'm faced with a challenge, of course. I've talked about this before, actually, but this sort of stuff hits me paroxysmally. Horrible word, by the way.

The challenge is: someone should do something; whatever people might be doing isn't working well enough; I should do something. So I should do something. The problem? Well, I'm an idiot! I always feel like I'm an idiot, though in fact I'm pretty sure I am not. People tend not to think so, and I tend to succeed, so things add up some way or another. I feel that, perhaps, delusion is the only path to doing something about grand issues.

If something is truly weighing down mankind, and if a single person can truly impact the issue, I suspect it may take a delusionally positive view of oneself for that individual to act. I suppose, that individual would not be delusional, if in fact they were the person to impact the issue, but you get my meaning. It's the sort of thing you can only confirm in retrospect.

Anyway, I'm thinking of writing a manifesto or something.

I wore my suit, today. Wool pants. Very nice! It was raining, though, so that was unfortunate.

Sometimes the dark rainy clouds open up, and a ray of sunlight hits me, in a way that makes me think that happened just for me.

I think it's beneficial to be delusional in certain ways :)

The annointed one!!