Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/1tbnoen/genuine_question_why_do_some_people_stare_at/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/autism by /u/merely_a_frog on 2026-05-13 03:21:13+00:00.

For a little bit of background and context, I was diagnosed with ASD at 16 years old. Before my diagnosis, I would always notice how strangers out in public would stare at me. I found it weird, but I never gave it much thought.

Ever since I was diagnosed however, I've begun to notice it more. This is more likely due to the fact that I became more self-aware about my "autistic traits" combined with the fact that I go out in public more often, rather than people actually staring at me more. It doesn't bother me that much, but it does make me more hyper-aware of how I'm presenting myself whilst masking. This leads to a bit of stress, though it mostly causes confusion.

Additionally, I've noticed (both through videos/posts online, and mostly from what I've observed IRL) that a lot of people, especially on public transport, will stare intensely at others who are visibly (or likely are) disabled, such as individuals who are stimming, or even individuals who are in wheelchairs or carry canes. This has made me wonder that, even if I'm actively masking, is it possible that others can tell that I'm autistic, or that something is "off"?

It is possible that strangers mostly stare at me because I present somewhat alternative, and I highly doubt that people (excluding maybe two instances) stare at me in a negative way. Though even if this was the case, it doesn't explain why strangers will stare vigorously at other autistic/disabled individuals in public, even if they aren't alternative, or otherwise seem to be dressed "casually".

One of my main reasons for asking this question is because, at least to my understanding, it is rude to purposely and intensely stare directly at strangers, unless you're talking to them.

Is there some exception to this social etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or was I lied to by my family, therapists, and teachers about this social norm existing in the first place?

And just as a disclaimer, I'm not going to generalise any group of individuals, as not every single person does it. I'm obviously not talking about children either, as they'll intensely stare indiscriminately at anyone. I'm talking about grown adults who should reasonably know that staring is considered rude.