whats your thought on open relationship? if both living in different states

As long as both are consenting adults, whatever I think doesn't matter.

waste of time.

way too many people pursue the wrong people and do stuff like open relationships as a cope.

Look like doom to failed.

i try not too much concern myself with other peoples relationships

Completely depends on long term goals. Is it something you're looking to try?

Why comment?

if both living in different states

Is it even a "relationship" then?

On what terms? Do they have plans for life? Together?? Why is one of them asking for "open" (whatever that means in this case)?

IMHO It might well be that the one has already given up the other, but the other doesn't admit reality...

Why not? OP asked what people think. The response is valid.

I would not rule it out, but if I were to guess it's not something for me.

Is it even a “relationship” then?

Who determines what a relationship is/isn't?

OP and (maybe) their SO, in this case.

Well, one advantage is you can't get cheated on.

It's a non answer that just serves to pat themselves on the back for being "good". The question is also about the concept of open relationships. You can talk about that concept without viewing it through the lense of other people's business. It's a frustrating thing I see regularly in comments on posts like this. The idea you have to comment just to let everyone know you don't have an opinion because you're too moral.

If you're living in different states and are in an open relationship then you're not in a relationship that needs a qualifier. I mean, to each their own, but trying to navigate social norms while going against social norms is just ironic.

Did you just comment to whine about someone else's comment to show off how much better you are by (incorrectly) saying their view wasn't meaningful enough?

No, no OP has a point. That poster's comment was inane, and you are only looking stupid by defending that as a good post

The issue is people not having a stake in something and still believing they are entitled to speak

Choosing not to be judgemental of others is an active choice.

It seems like an exhaustingly complex set of boundaries to keep and tends to create winners and losers out of third parties if the boundaries are rigidly followed in most cases. I think being that secure is somewhat admirable, but it also seems like a devastating fall to make if things don't work out. Different folks have different ways of doing things, I think it's fine, just not for me personally and I definitely wouldn't want to be the 3rd party to it either.

Their view added nothing. It served only to show that they don't have an opinion. So again, why comment if you're not willing to have an opinion. Its just moral posturing, its annoying and cringy.

If by cope, you mean it has emotional utility, then, yeah. All relationships are a cope for loneliness and disconnection, no matter the arrangment.

Telling everyone how non judgemental and good you are is too.

Sure can't cheat in the traditional sense.

If someones open relation has set boundries (ie don't fool around with co-workers) and those boundries are crossed it's the same dynamics as cheating (soreone did somethingsthey weren't supposed to.

I'm newly poly and my wife and girlfriend both live in town, but it's really fulfilling for all of us

Yep, do open poly if you want, but this arrangement here just seems like "I want permission to cheat" more than "I want an open relationship". Sounds like they found someone else and don't have the stones to break up.

I haven't been able to subdue/erase/accept the emotion of jealousy, which sort of makes me unable to enjoy the wonders of it, but I wish I could. 😭

With that said, I am a relationship anarchist. 😊 I don't believe in distinctions and labels. There is only what you and I have, period. Regardless of whether it's sexual, romantic, platonic or whatever.

If it works, it works.
Considering that people often hookup just for sex, I don't see why it couldn't work in this case.

I think why you are choosing to do it matters. I think open relationships can be successful, but like are you doing it to keep a relationship on the rocks going? Or are you both legitimately capable of polyamory and able to be available to each other and your other partners in a way that doesn't feel demeaning to anyone involved?

what's your thought on homosexual relationship?

I would place them in the same category as monogamous heterosexual relationships. I think creating a delineation between heterosexual relationships and homosexual ones like your doing is a strange way to make a point. I also lived with a lesbian couple for a few years when I was younger. In my personal anecdotal experience, I like hanging out with lesbian couples more than gay male couples, but about as much as heterosexual couples. Granted, that's my personal lived experience. I wouldn't assume I'd get along better with either on average though. Mostly just the people I knew. Weird to create that divide considering an open relationship is in no way equivalent to a gay one. In fact, some open relationships are gay.

Yeah but anyone who sees sex in an open relationship as cheating, probably was never actually in an open relationship.

Its like saying going outside is just permission to leave the windows open - like there are no windows outside, and if you're finding walls windows supported by ceilings, there's a good chance youre still inside.

My thought is "Why?".

I fell like you need to people who are radically honest with others and I don't understand why the long distance relationship is being maintained.

So ive been in open poly relationships before and am very sex positive. The problem is several fold and it mostly comes down to education of everyone involved and comfort of all parties.

1. There needs to be solid trust and communication between all members. If you dont have this it will fail. This is why going open will never fix a broken relationship.
2. Some people arent able to let go of the jealous feeling of their partner being with someone else and thats ok it just means being poly / open isnt for them.
3. Everyone has to be ok with the arrangement before it happens. None of this "I get to kiss/fuck whoever I want but you dont" stuff.
4. The reason you want to be open matters. Do you just find it exciting? Does your partner? Are you long distance and so want to keep your options open? Does the partner know that? Are you into a kink your partner isnt into and they are ok with you experimenting? Are you in love with multiple people and want them all and they are also cool with that? Giant cuddle puddle sounds great? It all comes down to trust again. It can NEVER be because you're trying to compensate for something your partner lacks without the consent of the partner

If there are any hard feelings in the relationship they will be compounded. So make sure the relationship is solid first.

Also being open doesnt automatically mean each person can do whatever they want. Talk yo your partner about partners you want to being in. Talk to the new people about your current partner. Make sure everyone is kosher about what's happening (and also make sure everyone is regularly getting tested for STDs)

I'm polyamorous myself, I think it's just important to clearly establish rules about it with the people you are dating. Personally, my only rule is that anyone already in the relationship needs to agree when adding a new person. If someone says no, then it's no

Open relationships may work, if you're both comfortable knowing the other sleeps with other people. But living in different states? That sounds more like fuck buddies than a relationship to me.

Open relationships are objectively bad for healthy mature people who prize a connection and long-term loving relationship.

However, they are a lot easier for people who prefer to not go deep, who don't want to work on themselves, and who want to imagine they're doing something extra "enlightened" or detached. It's basically something you do out of ego and self-convenience, which is the antithesis of love.

If you're serious about this life, find one person and go deep with them. Experience the desperation of not always getting what you want, not always being able to have your needs met, not just being able to go to a different person when it gets hard or when you feel deprived.

Like Jung says nobody grows until they reach a problem they can't solve. Real love relationships are like that; you are eventually tasked with not just loving your own preferences mirrored in another person, which is pure selfishness, but learning to love beyond your own preferences, loving beyond getting what you want; loving just to love. This is the only way a person can learn unconditional love, even having children cannot teach you that because since they are "yours" the condition is always there that they an extension of your own genes. And loving yourself is easy.

I don't see being able to handle it. I find the sex hormones are kinda linked to the jelously hormones. I really can't handle someone I am with being with someone else. Of course my hormones are assholes so it would likely be no problem with a bunch of people where exclusively with me. thats why the harem fantasy is so big.

if both living in different states

Key context right there.

Either you stay deliberately ignorant about what happens when you're apart, or you're going to feel the same as you would about it normally.

It can never be as deep as a monogamous one (ceiling, not floor) and idk anyone IRL who would be okay with it in earnest (and not just saying they are not to lose the person thinking about opening it, or access to their resources), so idk. I would say I'm cautious about them, particularly how healthy they can be.

I'm with you on this one, Chippy. But you kinda have to let people be useless, as long as they're harmless at least. We just gotta tolerate it (even if the obvious "virtue signalling " is annoying) and move on without losing our temper. 🥲

👏

I might consider either an open relationship or a long distance relationship, but the problem in both cases would be I'd worry more about it falling apart and being replaced, both of those at once seems like a lot.

Without a commitment of some kind, that's not a romantic relationship. That's a non-binding letter of intent for a friends-with-benefits situation at a TBD date some time in the future with caveats and escape clauses. It's about as much of a relationship as mutual swiping on tinder.

I think they can work and be fulfilling, but you have to be honest and trustworthy, and good about communicating.

That's a highly individual question, I personally couldn't do it. I trend towards the anxious side, and I tend to be a bit jealous. Even if I worked on myself for the rest of my life, I don't think I would ever be really happy with it.

Not for me. I don't do remote either

that's "a relationship" just not the one I could understand

ITT: polyphobia

Bad idea