That's so much me that I've been questioning some things.

worked for me

RIP

Objectively, the funniest response.

All of my best relationships started that way. I was just going about my life, and some girl decides to chase me down

In the words of my ex, "I saw you and decided I had to get to know you"

Hasn't happened in a while, but I should probably get out more

Hey, I was raised on the premise that women want to be left alone and be independent which taught me that there is no environment or time where an approach would be appreciated. In return I assumed that in time and when ready, they would be the ones to initiate. Guess they really haven't held up their end of the bargain. Or maybe I'm just a dumb fool for assuming that.

You don't have any women in your friend group? Most relationships are with people who start out as friends-of-friends that grow closer during social interactions over time.

I found what works best for me is to flirt with people online, not on a dating app, but here for example. Then if they respond, become friends with them, learn about each other. If there is good chemistry, ask them out. If they accept, you now have a new person in your relationship, if they don't, it's still good because you have a friend :3

The dream

I've accepted my life as a hermit in the forest and have found peace with that.

What makes you think I have friends if I don't leave home.

So you were taught wrong, and/or made incorrect assumptions, and that's the woman's fault she didn't live up to the bargain you invented? Do you really think that women who don't "initiate" are breaking some kind of pact? Do you think being decent and non-creepy entitles you to attention from women? Are you respectful because they deserve respect or because it's your "end of the bargain"?

You know that common culture dictates that the man be the aggressive one? If you think that's not fair, I agree, but flipping the script can't be fair either.

You may want to consider that your difficulty with women is not because you're overly respectful.

this is the way

Nope, not once in my life. But granted, I studied for a male dominated degree, I work in a male dominated area and I can't afford "attractive" hobbies. Being a first gen immigrant in a very conservative public school system doesn't exactly leave you with a blooming social circle either.

I'm also severely depressed, poor, not exactly charismatic and not easy on the eyes.

I know, I am a real catch :) /s

I'm funny tho, at least so I've been told irl. I was also told that being funny would be enough. But turns out it's more of a deal-closer not the entire deal. If all you have is "funny", you might as well put on the makeup and go be a clown.

I have a steady job as the Universes bad example.

Nope I don't think any of those things. I'm just sad that there was nobody in my life to teach be that you shouldn't base your happiness on the expectations you put on others.

I wish I would have realised that before reaching an age where it would be embarrassing to try to become a functioning person.

About learning to be a better person: you can either start now, or think about it for a couple of more years. I think, better start now!

Oh wow, this is my first time seeing this meme in high def. Well done.

🤔

I was a dumb idiot in college and I started talking to this girl over Facebook, we fell in love immediately but she lived 5 states away at the time and I was super hesitant to do long distance. 3 weeks into meeting each other, she kept begging me to be her boyfriend, and after about another week I caved.

After a month or so, she moved to my state, completely overhauled her life, started at the same college as me...

Now we've been together for 13 years and I can't imagine my life without her. We're excited to get old together.

It happens fellas, just don't be an idiot like me.

Same situation as OP, and i don't really wanna date my close friend anyway. But on the plus side friendzone is very comfortable, i'm not lonely despite living alone and only meet them occasionally, and i have cats as companion.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's becoming more rare these days. I met my wife online, worked out since our social circles never crossed

there is no environment or time where an approach would be appreciated

Doesn't really follow from

women want to be left alone and be independent

There's a lot of spaces between "don't hit on the waitress" and "chat with friends of friends at a birthday party"

Of course, you do have to enter the world to be perceived by the world.

Or, I can do nothing, stay "barely passing", continue to mask the rest and deal with the mental consequences of that on my own time. The silver lining is that fortunately life and it's bullshit are finite.

That's how I do it too!

Nothing so far, but I guess it's just a matter of time.

I did have two women make an attempt. But my autistic ass was too oblivious to understand until someone explained it to me later on. One of them even undressed down to her underwear in front of me, despite me only knowing her for like 2 days. Apparently that could be a sign, together with the fact that she was weirdly obsessed with me. Unfortunately my cousin got incredibly jealous of her, so she ended the friendship with her. Never met her again after that (we live 200 km apart and didn't have each other's number).

I get that change is hard, but masking and dealing with the mental consequences isn't easy, either. It's just what you've grown comfortable with.

Super happy for you that your partner took that chance for both of you. I was lucky enough to have my wife make it obvious I had a shot, and I took it, and we are also enjoying growing old together.

Honestly kinda how i met my girlfriend/future wife.

I'm not sure if I'm happy dor you that this happened to you or sad.

I wouldn't exactly call myself Sherlock Holmes when it comes to social engagement, but I feel like emotional intelligence is one of my strengths. I can definetly, with 100% certainty say no women has ever even had a single neuron fire in my direction. Hell I'd argue that all my conversation that I had with women one-on-one outside of work and family would fit on roughly 10 pages at 11pt. I can and have easily entertained a whole crowd of people but in the end that's all I've ever been, a talking head.

Actually, some girls have approached me after years of having this strategy! Two of them managed to get through my autistic filtering. However, venting time, both cases have followed this pattern: I'm not interested at first and try to keep distance. After some time I get warmed up enough to get interested back and then the other party loses interest. I can still keep in touch as their second therapist and comfort their suicidal thoughts. There was also a platonic internet friendship with one girl when I was a lonely teenager, but she cut contacts and is dead nowadays.

I've never made a first move and still don't feel like start dating. Although, I'm kinda close with one woman, but if I try to touch her, she falls asleep. Also, if she doesn't have enough clothes, she feels too cold and falls asleep. And we're both kinda depressed bottoms so usually nothing happens anyway. Is this what a relationship should feel like? At least she doesn't scream and scratch bloody wounds to her arms. Not sure if I should feel lucky having these experiences. Oops, this was a meme channel.

Edit: for the record, in case my vent tone suggests otherwise, I respect my friends and support them best I can. I just can't help but feel that I might've always lacked a basic nourishing intimacy myself.

My partner of 16 years basically told a mutual friend that she liked me and then the friend did all the logistical stuff.

I'm a parent.

Kids activities are awash with lonely single parents.

Grown comfortable? Please... I have my 10.000 hours in, I am a master. Any effort for improvement has to compete with the effortless act of doing something by instinct.

There's no point in becoming a better person for me. For whom even? I could be the nicest, smartest, most capable, most empathetic, most charismatic version of myself I'd still be blindly stepping around in a dark forest alone.

All my life I've missed every off-ramp, every warning sign, every speed bump, I flew through the dirt after the road has ended and now I am stuck in a ditch.

I'm somebody who need to be thrown into the water to learn how to swim instead I've been told not to step in it because there might be sharks.

But enough with the metaphors for now.

I'm not 18 anymore. All, and I mean all friends and friends of friends are either married, longterm or with children. Do you know what it's like to be the only one with any realationships past your 30s? Not just "single", "no relationships". People look at you differently, people talk to you differently, people treat you differently. Especially your inner circle of friends where something like that is common knowledge. At least with strangers you can play on the novelty of the conversation and pretend your life isn't in shambles before they start to catch on.

Besides depression already did it's thing and I haven't had contact with any of my friends for over a year. So I guess its safe to say, no more birthday invites for me...

How did she make it obvious

Remarked about my kids with the phrase "good genes." Some of them came from me!

You could be satisfied with who you are, which has nothing to do with material conditions.

Lol

More like contempt rather than satisfied.

I think root comment is simply saying that they didn't want to "bother" women.

But reality is that when initiating any kind of social contact, you have to risk being a "bother". Over time you learn to judge the risk better, but there's always a risk. If you want to form relationships you just have to take the chance and go ahead anyways. Even if you're afraid of being a creep, or being annoying, or bothering them. You have to use your best judgement and initiate when you feel it's ok.

Friends are much like vampires. They cannot cross the boundaries of your dwelling unless invited in.

You study chemistry at that school, right?

Some chemicals are very reactive. Others need the right conditions. You’re waiting for some free radical to come along, kick off a reaction, and somehow leave you with a stable bond.

Sure, that can happen randomly, but you improve your odds by getting compatible ingredients in the same place and supplying a little activation energy. You don’t have to force the chemistry—you just have to give it the conditions to happen.

If you keep everything sealed in separate bottles, your whole experiment depends on somebody accidentally knocking over the shelf.

Talk about it, communication is everything

You could do worse

I'm not going to make another person suffer through a relationship with me. I'm horrrible and very difficult to be with!

I harass cashiers until they fall in love with me.

This was how I got my ex boyfriend and my currently... more than friends less than lovers chick.

Brittany has a crush on you

Oh nice so all I need is to find a kid

These days pets seem to be analogous to kids. Check out puppy pre school or something.

You don't have any women in your friend group?

I do, but they’re all in long term relationships.